Saturday Night Camera Phone Dump

Alot has happened on my phone lately. First, for some reason I used it to capture Colin working the ladies when I had a perfectly working real phone at hand:


He swore that he needed just five more minutes. Next time, Collard Greens, next time!

Also, Murph posed:


Before that, a couple of us went to DC's hottest only after-hours spot, wherein we were stuck for two hours in silence while the coppers tried to pinch us.


If I were 17, it would've been a great story. But I'm not. The coppers would've needed to actually pinch us for it to be a great story at 30.

I finally got my shirt. It's surprisingly high in quality and awesomeness:


And finally, Teebz turned 19! Here he is asking for his keys:

Baltimore: More Than Drugs!

True, it's mostly drugs. But it's also duckpin bowling!

So that's what we did for our work holiday party. But first, we got on a bus with a bunch of beer.

If you haven't been on a bus with condensation on the windows since you were a kid, you'd be surprised to find that the urge to write on them is still overwhelming.

I decided that it should be more adult-like window graffiti, though.


(It says "cocaine/crack".)

And of course, it's still awesome to be metal.


Duckpin bowling involves smaller balls, smaller pins, and three tries per frame.


Aside from that, it's pretty much like normal bowling, although the proprietors think for some reason that having "rental" on the instep of a bowling shoe is going to keep somebody from stealing it. I would argue that it increases the shoes' awesomeness.


Remember my new name? Sure you do! Also, I was totally winning until the end.


Bowling, like all games, brings out the juvenile posing gene.


The bowling alley was so awesome that it had converted one lane into a locker room/smoking area.


Something about starting to drink at six that makes people sleepy. I think it's the rufis.

Murph was sleepy from the beginning, though. He worked in what he called the "morning." I'm checking on it.

In other news, these two people are very photogenic.

This one is too, only in his own special way:


BONUSBONUSBONUS People always want to be on here. Guess what! You can be, if you see me when I have my camera!

Also, Evan does an impression of someone.

We Ride Fancy Cars to the Club

Hey Ana! Wanna roll to fancy dinner? Maybe? What if we do it in a BEEMER!?!*


What's up, girl?


Oh, you got your hair did? I feel you. What about the Sunroof™? That's right, they cut holes in the rooves of cars nowadays!


Deffo. Anyways. Hey! Andy O! Whatchu think about some pork sliders up at Poste Moderne Brasserie™? You think they're delicious? YOU'RE RIGHT.


So delicious that the world turns blue when you take a bite. You heard it here.

You guys feel like rolling up to Baltimore for the Plastic Little™ now? That's some really good ideas.



*Provided by Zipcar

Photo Essay #8: Baltimore is Hot These Days

Yes, Baltimore is hot. Only not meteorologically speaking. Really, it is the same as the rest of the Mid-Atlantic: coldish. But we made the day trip anyway, because there are certain things one just must do. We had goals, after all. Big ones.

We got up early. Check the weather! Check! Looks good! Blue skies!


Head on down to Union Station. Bustle, bustle, miss 1:20 MARC train. It's okay, though! Let's grab a Happy Meal!


Shit, they're putting really creepy dolls in Happy Meals these days. I would've been pissed and scared to get this thing when I was 8:

Woot! 2:15 train to B'More! We're all excited for the camera, all at the same time! Without any Photoshopping, even!


Seriously!


I mean, how could one not be excited about rolling up to Charm City when dudes like this are coming with?


That hair and complexion needed a triptych if it were to be done justice.

But here we are! Baltimore, City of Lights! City of Industry and the By-Products Produced Therein! This picture is actually in focus:


First stop: Fell's Point, to meet this kid, who is eating blue cotton-candy-flavored ice cream. He resembles a young Violet Beauregard, does he not? But he is not greedy, nor did he need to be juiced.

Also, his mom might've been the best mom in the world, because she was laughing as hard as we were. She told us that she wanted to have a bite of his cone until he decided to add Butterfinger chunks into the mix. That kid is a genius.

While we were talking to the kid these two guys asked us to answer questions for a movie they were making. We said yes. Its randomness threw me off guard:

Him: What is the most important thing in the world?
Me: You've asked the wrong person, man. Sorry.
Him: No, no. What's the most important thing in the world to you?
Me: Money.
Him: What's next?
Me: Sex.
Him: What's next?
Me: Things.
Him: What's next?
Me: Food.
Him: What's next?
Me: Jesus.
Him: What do you know about blood?
Me: (pause) Not much.
Him: Anything.
Me: Seriously, not much.
Him: What are the three kinds of blood cells?
Me: Red, white and hemoglobin. (Right Answer: Platelets. Damn.)
Him: Where is blood produced?
Me: The heart. (Marrow. I've given up.)
Him: Why are you here?
Me: To go shopping.
Him: No, why are you here? (Implying in the grand scheme of things.)
Me: To go shopping.

Turns out he was doing a infomercial for a blood disease foundation or something, which was to begin with some man-on-the-street clips. I was relieved. Otherwise it would've been weird. Oh, and he complimented our footwear. But I only have a picture of mine, surprisingly:


Second stop: Food. We happened by Brewer's Art, which has great tap handles for its beer. Especially Resurrection Ale, which was probably a hit this past weekend:

And finally, on to the pool hall our friend Stevie Pants manages. Ana showed the surprising and shocking ability to create balls out of thin air with only brute force:


But the true purpose of any trip to Baltimore is to see the new Boxer puppy that your friends just acquired:

That face is made for TV.

Make the last train back with 30 seconds to spare, and you've got yourself a successful day trip. But I forgot! It's made all that much more perfect by my purchase of Knight Rider Season One (which comes with the complete Knight Rider 2000 Movie and a full manual for KITT, which I'm going to need when you people finally come through with the cash). See? Again without the Photoshopping: