We went to see Ben Bailey (Cash Cab) last night at the Improv. He's funny on stage, too. Funny enough that he did a ten-minute bit on windbreakers and it worked pretty well.
Later in the show, after having to tell the woman in the front row to shut up a good two dozen times, he burst into flames.
He's not gonna be able to pull that off every night.
DC's new baseball stadium, which cost $4.6 billion, has been open for a couple weeks now so we decided to take in a game this afternoon. The weather has been beautiful, but it's April so that couldn't last:
On the whole, the new stadium is fine. Only problems: it took longer to get a hot dog than to actually travel to the stadium (20 minutes vs. 15), and the stadium is basically a concrete-and-steel copy of Turner Field, only without the charm.
The fact that none of the awesome options for interesting design were taken advantage of (no miniature white house for the Presidents to emerge from for their race? No miniature Ford's Theater for Lincoln to retire to at the end of the game?) is kind of disappointing.
And look! Teddy cheats and still loses! What a maroon!
Teebz and a couple of his coworkers got tattoos of a deer with a beard wearing a plaid shirt. One of the best brotoos ever.
I've never been what one would call "limber." In high school, I decided that stretching was for losers (which may still be the case) after Terry Pendleton, the Atlanta Braves' portly third baseman and champion of all things stretchy, seemed to pull a muscle every time he moved.
As the years have passed, though, I've noticed something interesting: my hamstrings have become less muscle-y and more akin to a mineral deposit. I realized that if it keeps up at this pace I'm in for a difficult time in the next thirty years:
As you can see, by 2028, I'll only have two options: stand or lay down. By 2038, I'll be needing some sort of inverted Craftmatic bed.
So in my never-ending quest to provide this blog with boring updates, I'll be tracking the progress of my attempt to touch my toes for the first time since 1996. STAY TUNED.
I've always wanted to have a liquor cabinet in my house that my future children could one day plunder (since I never had the chance as a child, what with the teetotaler parents and all), and last week I began that quest. But I didn't want to actually go to the liquor store. What to do, people? BUY BOOZE ON THE INTERNET, that's what.
It actually works.
Check it: a new feature: 8-word product reviews:
1. Franziskaner Dunkel Weisse: I don't know, Ana likes it. It's German.
2. Victory Baltic Thunder: This porter is brewed with black eyed peas.
3. Aventinus Weizenbock: Really, really, really, really delicious beer.
4. Corner Creek Reserve Bourbon: Just $22 and smooth as a mother's kiss.
5: Pappy Van Winkle's Family Reserve Bourbon, 20yr: The bottle comes with its own velour bag.
Checking in on reviews of my bar on Yelp, I found this gem:
While I agree that our bartenders are cooler than our clientele (we are cooler than everyone), Chelsea, you need to be coming by a little more often. I cut the rattail a year ago.
Joe and Katie went to Richmond, where they have the best toys in the world:
Things we can learn from this toy: Tofu is classy.
So last night we were watching MOST DARING: SUDDEN TERROR video show on truTV when we were treated to the coolest thing that has ever happened ever. It entails this tigress (or she-tiger) tearing up this dude after people tried to put her back into a nature preserve that she had escaped from. Behold the still:
Please watch the video. Right about the 2:06 mark it gets really, really good.
For the first time in my life I purchased a piece of furniture somewhere other than Ikea. Where is this magical store, you ask, the place where people go to become adults? It's everywhere.
Also, my first project in the new kitchen: biscuit-infused bourbon. Only problem is I don't know if it's possible. Teach me.
So here we are, in a world where people look at me weird when I tell them that I do enjoy Mariah Carey, because after all who likes Mariah Carey and then this:
Lady is bigger than Elvis, and people are giving me shit? WTF.
Also, please note that John McCain is likely going to pick Mariah Carey as his runningmate.
