Economics +++

Obama, God bless him, thinks that people are going to take manual labor jobs in order to make ends meet. If he were to, I don't know, come up with a New New Deal where it included sitting at a desk with a nice computer and internet connection and enough work to keep one busy for at least 15 minutes a week, I think people would jump at it. Building roads? Fat chance.

Best way to fix the economy? Inventions. People need to invent more things. Did Edison make his fortune replacing energy-sucking light bulbs? NO. He invented them, and waited for other people to do the replacing. Because he was an American, and that's what Americans do.

I'll do my part to help. Listen up, snack makers: SRIRACHA-INFUSED CHEEZ-ITS.

• Wow! America has a conscience. Granted, it's not a fully-formed conscience (manslaughter?), but it's a conscience nonetheless.
• Wowee! Frenchies hate America AND beer.
  
• I am always confused about holiday tipping, because it wasn't normal when I was a kid. Out of this list, the only one that applies to me is the letter carrier, but since our letter carrier is pretty terrible (I'm guessing 75%-25% success rate) and the UPS guy offered to help carry my new TV up the stairs, I tipped him instead. Also, I tipped the lady at the Subway.
  
• HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Coldplay had to steal in order to write the turd that became "Viva la Vida?" HAHAHAHAHAHA from Joe Satriani
• Jenny's take on an annoying trait of people who live in or around national parks.
  

Birthday Photo Dump

Birthday started off right, when my Black Friday off-brand TV showed up early. It works! And it's flat.



Also Senior showed up in time to get some pho.


Ana took me to fancy dinner, so I wore my Sunday clothes.


Then we met up with friends, and Patso had worked his magic again:


And Riff Raff was there. She says I always take creepy pictures of us, which I disagree with but tried to take one anyway:

Threefer Monday

My friend Ian posted this haiku I wrote in 1998 onto Facebook the other day. I don't remember writing it but I am glad I did:

Your goldfish and
A slimy pitching
Shredder are two enjoyed things

In retrospect, it's more gross than funny.

The Unfortunate Part of Being a Public Figure, ex. 1

Last night, while having a drink at a friends' bar, there was a particularly drunk young woman a few seats down was being hit on by a particularly gross dude, who had bought her a shot and invited her back to his hotel room, which she declined.

Eventually she had enough, and our friend told her as much. Even though she was fine with being cut off, dude wasn't happy about it (it was pretty obvious he was trying to her get even drunker in order to sleep with him).

"I've been to a lot of bars in a lot of places, and I've NEVER seen this happen," he says. "NOT COOL."

"There's a first time for everything," bartender replies.

Dude hands bartender his credit card slip.

"No offense, man, but I took back my tip. That is NOT COOL."

Dude goes to bathroom, woman leaves without him. Dude emerges from bathroom, runs out to try and catch her. Fails. All is right with the world.

Coworker remembers that dude said he was a reporter. Check slip/cross reference on Google:



Hey George Richards, beat reporter for Miami Herald: You Suck!

Last Train to Strageville, pop. YOU

It's pretty rare that I get down near the White House, but I was in the neighborhood today so I rode by. Even the process of building the inaugural stands has a feeling of excitement about it--there were dozens of people there taking pictures of it, just like me.




Even though the city is going to be overrun, and the inauguration will likely be mayhem, I'm looking forward to seeing it. For five minutes. And then going home to my non-$1000/night apartment.

Plus, who knew the White House would wear the AIDS ribbon?

Also when I was at Kinko's somebody had left the last page of their screenplay in the copier. I don't know what that says about the writer, or the screenplay itself, but I really want to know if "Strageville" is a typo for "Strangeville" or not. I really hope so. Because Strageville doesn't seem like a place that could KILL YOU...


This makes me wonder if there is a competition out there somewhere for best final page of a screenplay. If not, there should be.

This Here Blog Is A Performer

So says The TYPALIZER

Thanksgiving: Comeuppance Edition

Ana barfed all day yesterday, which is ironic because a) she's Seinfeldian in her barfing tendencies; and b) it was Thanksgiving, which is a holiday formed around eating, which is one of her favorite pastimes. This can only mean that she was being punished by God.

Luckily for me, she felt good enough to still make it to dinner at the Tabard Inn, where I had this magnormous pork tenderloin chop. Unlucky for her, she had one bite of her meal and almost barfed. Not because it was gross.


Then she didn't feel up to going to Black Cat, which is a great DC tradition, but I did, so I left her at home. Shortly thereafter, Safia hijacked my phone and took some pictures:


Know who wasn't punished by God? Me

Thanksgiving List 2008

1. I did not just cut my finger off while making a sandwich, which was a pretty close call.

2. Our country is so amazing that when somebody makes a goofy offer to give everybody soda pop and fails, the lawyers get involved. Also, the most prestigious newspaper in the land writes an article about it.

3. Dinner tonight is going to involve some parsnip puree, y'all.

4. In lieu of usual screaming matches, landlord/downstairs neighbor and wife are observing the holiday with some Wilburys. Actually, they might be cranking the Wilburys in order to mask their usual screaming match.

5. Upcoming visit to Atlanta for early Christmas celebration, which will include dinner with brother and sister.

LYING CONSPIRATORIAL SODA JERKS

Dr. Pepper still doesn't understand how delicious it is, or how to set up a website giving us free Dr. Pepper.

CONSPIRACY

I WANT MY FREE DR. PEPPER