Narratives are Overrated

The trip Atlanta was good, and productive, and my mom's spine is safely realigned with metal rods all up on it. That said, I don't have many great pictures. What I do have is this picture of a survey box at the Atlanta airport, which somebody stuffed with an empty travel-size tube of toothpaste.


Also: People of Atlanta! You have this place called Cabbagetown, which is like Richmond if it was dirtier and more southern and smaller and with fewer hardcore bands. Also you have the Cabbagetown Market, which is the type of place that every neighborhood in the world should have. It should be mandated. They have bottled Mexican non-HFCS Coke.


My tour of the world's grossest bar bathrooms continues. Pictured: Clermont Lounge. If you have the temperament for it, it's one of the most interesting and unique places I've ever been to, in Atlanta or otherwise. If not, don't worry about it.


Plus! Customer leaves barely legible note on credit card slip! In this case, girl's dude spilled a drink on her, but she wasn't really coherent enough to recognize this fact, so she decided that I had done it.


Transcript: Next time don't spill shit on me, bitch. Or the middle English version: Next time--don't spill sht onne bitch. And yet: still a 12% tip! She must not've really been mad.

Fanksgiffing Travel Tips

We took a quick trip to Atlanta for Thanksgiving to see my family, and to eat. Which is how visiting the South works, basically.

First: drive around for 5 hours looking for a CVS or a Walgreens or some place that sells things to cure Ana's typhoid. Next, breakfast at Ria's Bluebird Cafe. (Travel tip #1: Do this.)


Next: check into brother's girlfriend's apartment, which she is lending us while she's out of town. What do we do? Contaminate it! Sorry about the typhus germs, Sarah! Ha, ha! Another dose of Airborne, please!


What's good for typhoid, you ask? Beer!


Travel tip #2: watch local news. Because you don't care about the scary parts, the feel-good stories are a source of pure comedy.


So Thanksgiving rolls around, and because consumptives can't sleep very well, the best idea is to visit Waffle House. This particular Waffle House was a "Hash-Slinging Zone," which was fine with me. They also don't like firearms. But those things don't matter, really.


What matters is that Waffle House produces delicious, delicious food. Get that shit on Texas Toast, people. It's good for you.


Later, Ana is released from quarantine long enough to do some cooking at my parent's house. Travel tip #3: do things the way she likes, or she'll yell at you.


Then eat and go visit Grandma. I'd give you a picture, but if I had tried to get my camera out she probably would've broken it. Grandma weighs about 80lbs these days, which is not cool at all. But she still rules. As if she couldn't.

And later, we go with my brother looking for a place to get a beer. We found one called "Pufferbelly's" which included this Monster® Energy Drink poster of a woman's backside with a can of Monster® Energy Drink tucked conveniently in her thong:


In short, Pufferbelly's ruled. Happy Thanksgiving.

Grandma, Baseball, &c.

This weekend we went to Atlanta to visit my Grandma, who rules. She rules so much that I trimmed my beard, because being presentable to Grandma is important.


I also changed my shirt, because I proselytize for good comics:


Then I got on the plane.


Then I rented a car from a business named "E-Z Car Rental". The name should be "Gross Sad Car Rental".


Then we went to Ria's Bluebird Cafe where Ana found out that she is totally their type:


Then, duh, we went to the ballgame. Stupid Atlanta doesn't have branded beer bottles yet.

There was this girl there


Ana wanted to fight the little girl.


Then we went to dinner with my Grandma.


Later, we danced a little bit.


Also, we went to the best bar in Atlanta.


And finally we got back on the plane.


BONUS!!! CAT ACTING LIKE DOG!!! CLICK TO ENLARGE!!!