Grab Bag! Plus, People From NY: They Like for Things to Be Hooked Up

+ I am guessing that it means something when I have only heard of -- this doesn't mean that I've heard -- 21 of the bands on Pitchfork's top 50 albums of the year. I'm not sure if it means I'm old or if I just have stopped chasing the dragon that is rock music (Although Pitchfork went crazy and included DC's own Walé [he worked at Downtown Locker Room! OMG!] and Lil Wayne in the list, presumably since R Kelly didn't release an album in 2008).

+ Mom is doing well after her surgery to give her a BIONIC BACK. Did I ever include this horrifying X-Ray of her spine?

It should now be significantly less faily.

+ In honor of my brother, who is now a playwright and soon-to-be lead actor in a real live play, I've written a short play about a dude last night at work came in with his friend.

A bar, 2am on a weekend. Two males, early twenties, enter. I am ready for night to be over.

Dude: Yo, gimme your strongest beer.
Me: Any particular type?
Dude: Whatever's strongest, bro. It's my birthday.

I pour him an imperial stout. Two minutes pass.

Dude: Yo! It's my birthday, bro. Shots. (Motions to he and his friend.) A couple of the strongest shots you got, bro. I'm from New York.
Me: (Beat.) The strongest shots we have would be straight liquor.
Dude: I'm from New York, bro. Hook it up.
Me: What kind?
Dude: Yeah, your strongest shot. I'm from New York. Hook it up.
Me: Yes, I understand. What kind of liquor?
Dude: Yeah. Hook it up.
Me:
Dude's Friend: Vodka.
Me: Brand?
Dude: It's my birthday. Strongest shot you got. From New York. Hook it up.
Me: I don't know what that means.
Dude's Friend: Grey Goose.
Me: Chilled?
Dude: Strongest you got.

(I pour two warm shots of Grey Goose. Two minutes pass.)

Dude: Bro! Couple of Heinekens.

(I give him the beers. One minute passes. I call last call.)

Dude: Yo! How about a birthday round?
Me: Of what?
Dude: Couple of beers. It's my birthday.
Me:You have beers in front of you already. They're full.
Dude: Yeah. Birthday round.
Me:I can't give you another if you already have one.
Dude: But it's last call.
Me: Indeed it is.

(Dudes do not finish their beers, leave. Scene.)

+ LOLZ

Palindrome of 24 Hours in New York = Kroy Wen ni Sruoh 42 fo Emordnilap

For Ana's birthday we went to New York, but you already know that. We took the TRAIN. That's what people did in the old days.


Like any trip, the whole purpose is to eat. First stop: Cafe Habana. Sandwich was so good that Ana took a bite even though there was a mayonnaise-like substance on it.


The best part, though, was that this guy


was there, dressed like he meant it. He seemed to be channeling Noah Taylor's character in Almost Famous. It's groups of people like this (cf. the girl on the left) that I see in New York that make me sad.

Anyways. After that we shopped or something in order to kill time before eating again, this time at Prune, which Ana's wanted to go to since she was born. And it wasn't even open then.


Up front: Prune might be the best restaurant in the world, ever. If food bores you, scroll down for depressing pictures of Coney Island.

First: radishes with butter and salt. If you gave me this dish when I was 12, I would've smacked you in the face and not apologized. Now, I order it of my own free will. It's good.


Next: kale with soft eggs in a Parmesan butter sauce. EGGS FOR DINNER, PEOPLE. This lady is breaking all the rules. Again, me at twelve would give you a punch in the nose if you set this in front of me, and again, it's good.

Next: stewed pork shoulder with salsa verde. It's served in big chunks with a spoon and it falls apart with the slightest pressure. Pork shoulder sounds like it would be stringy, but pigs are fat and their shoulders wonderfully tender.


Next: soupy rice with lobster and squid. It's a little thing, but this restaurant is good at words too. Putting "soupy rice" before "lobster" is probably some sort of unforgivable menu sin, but it's the right description and it sounds gross to you then you probably shouldn't have it anyway.



You totally got eaten. That's all the food for now.

The meal was so good that Ana left her wallet at the restaurant. Sad Ana:


But the people there are nice and found it for her. Happy Ana:

What do you do after a flawless meal? Go to the dirtiest bar in the world and take a picture of the bathroom, natch.


Coney Island is going to be blown up and sunk into the Atlantic Ocean next month, so we decided to go visit even though the Sideshows by the Seashore and Astroland are all boarded up.


Thank god this guy is keeping an eye on stuff.


Wait, this doesn't look very depressing! That ferris wheel looks fully operational. There aren't any stray dogs, even!


Ok, this'll do. Close-ups of chainlink fence are impossible to make undepressing.


Anything, however, can be made undepressing by a corndog.


Totonno's, you have chosen your fate: Shenanigan's can tell you about it.


Fact: Russians have the ability to move anywhere and Gulagify a place. Look! They sell DVDs and Videos at this jail, but they call it BNAEO NPOKAT. Weird.


BONUSBONUSBONUS: Ana on Law & Order

CHUNG CHUNG

Two Thing Saturday

First of all, the hoodie is just as vicious as one could hope for:


And second of all, we're going to New York tomorrow for Ana's birthday. I made myself some notes so I can walk around like I know things when I really don't:


Expect amazing pictures next week, and maybe I'll see if I can't livephlog from Prune.

Photo Essay #1: Of Your Average Mid-Week, Mini Road Trip to NYC.

A and I needed to go to NY for some shopping, so we decided to go spend the night with our friend K in the process. K has a nice, big apartment in the village that she has to give up at the end of the month, so we wanted to take advantage. Here's the things that should usually happen on such a road trip:

1. wake up early.


2. find the money you've been putting away, and take alot of it.


3. say goodbye to roommate's gun-loving dog.


4. check to make sure driving conditions will be optimal.


5. hire a taxi to take you 2 miles out of your way, thus nullifying the point of cabbing instead of metroing. tip cabbie $1 instead of usual $5. realize it doesn't matter either way.


6. pick up rental car. when woman at counter says, "chevy monte carlo okay?" say "no." unless you want to drive around a big, unweildy family sedan in a snowy, icy new york city for two days. in that case, say "yes."


7. get lost in your own city on way out of town. waste 20 minutes.


8. drive half-asleep in white-out conditions. only kind of crash once.


9. have passenger take picture of otherwise uninteresting semi while passing at 60mph.


10. miraculously arrive at tunnel to manhattan within 5 hours of leaving. make sure car is completely encased in mixture of snow, salt, and nearly opaque film. also make sure car has no wiper fluid. this is key.

11. park. pay $20 because parking on the street in NY is scary, impossible and the tickets are big. they tow their cars to canada, and make you drive there to pick them up. if you don't have a second car, you're just out of luck. so pay $20. proceed to nearest place with something warm and a bathroom. pay for the warm thing and use the bathroom. bonus: the warm thing is delicious.

12. take picture of gritty, urban street art.

13. take picture of gritty, urban street art made by affluent DC-area teen.

14. shop for an hour, until extremities begin to separate from limbs. join friend for dinner in heated establishment.


15. go to bar. drink delicious domestic beer.


16. go to second bar. look for some semblance of a hop in any beer. fail. drink guinness.

17. run into sideshow performer albert cadabra, who is drunk off free wine at burlesque show in basement. discuss things. forget to take picture with him. wait until he comes back upstairs. take picture with him. he is a seasoned picture-taking professional.


18. go to sleep earlier than you have gone to sleep in six months. wake up at usual time. shop at expensive stores with unexpensive-sounding names. make comments your parents would make about the prices of things. purchase things anyway.


19. sit in traffic. just cuz.


20. leave. take picture while sitting in traffic of city through grime-covered window.


21. stage photo while driving. make sure to get friend asleep in back seat, and to make stupid face.

22. figure out best way to take picture of great sunset while driving. change settings numerous times until figuring it out. switch lanes three times while doing so, accidentally. take picture. go home. go see shortstack.