Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts

Friday, March 20, 2009

A Mother's Impassioned Plea Falls on Deaf Ears (Too Lazy to Think of Relevant Pun)

From an interested party, who asked that this be unedited/anonymous (but didn't ask that I not add my own responses/plus not sure how anonymous one can be when referencing puns AND Minnesota):

[You] heady kids need to transcend their pedantic, corporeal fascination with holding/shooting a gun and unleash their intellect (which they appear to possess in amazing abundance [agreed]) and make it sunday PUNday. That's totally a good idea except puns don't make loud noises and blow things up.

Puns are cool and witty and never hurt anyone. Except nerds in middle school. The streets would be safer, and parents all over (including Minnesota) would be able to sleep at night!! Eschew the raw power of metal and the stench of gunpowder and free your inner punster, I say. The rest will follow. The world would be a better place for having you in it adding joy one pun at a time, rather than shooting it up. This basically insures that we'll be shooting signs that say "pun." Like they said in Oregon, stop the hate!!! Value added, people.

Just how I feel. I hate sunday funday/America. And, in the main, I'm not a hater.

You young, childless adults (woo hoo!) will understand one day when your beloved offspring come to you and say, "I want to drink til I puke and shoot a gun at lobsters seated on a sofa, you ok with that?" As long as there are no puns involved, Johnny.

love to all, a mother.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Miscellania

Punk and I took a portrait.


Boss broke out the 20-year old Dell QuietKey keyboard (which is in fact the opposite of quiet, interestingly) a few weeks ago because he's too cheap to buy a new one. After I mocked (" bossman the 80s called they want their keyboard back etc"), he added the "ERGONOMICALLY PERFECT SINCE 1984."

Who knew that nerds still like the big keyboards, and that the office at work is now with the times?


Very excited about this album. Tracks 2 and 6 in particular.


Remember my mom's horribly disfigured spine? Take a gander:


+++In the NYT Proof blog (when it's not about being a recovering alcoholic, it's pretty good), a great post about downpouring/blended drinks/top shelf v. rail.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Xmas Miraxles Vol. II

While not as extensive as last year, this year still yields some pretty wicked Xmas miracles.

1. When in Atlanta last week, looking at pictures my sister has taken over the past few years, it became apparent that I've been wearing the same hoodie way too much for way too long. So I splurged and soon will have a new uniform.


2. I will be DJing for Chad's customers in a couple weeks. DJ name is easily the smartest thing I've ever thought of. Don't worry: Ana and Murph will be making guest appearances.


3. Mom checked out of the hospital and is recovering. Holler!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Italian Christmas + Blay, Scene II

Martina's family is Eyetalian, which means they have forty kids and have big, pasta-y Christmas celebrations. Lucky for us we get invited.

I love seeing things like this height chart in houses. How could you possibly be a parent and not get teary every time you walk past it?


This particular family has a predilection for bulldogs. The newest one is Porkchop, and has captured my heart. Here she is sitting on the youngest of the Crivellas:


FYI: Blay=Blog + Play. Scene II!:

Int, nighttime, a bar. A group of Baltimore Ravens fans is watching the game against the Cowboys. The Ravens score.

Fan #1: Yeah! Yeah! Woo! Ravens! (Hi-fives Friend #2.) Shots! Shots on the house!
Me: What house?
Fan #1: Shots on the house!
Me: You do realize we're not in Baltimore, right? (Fan #1 stares blankly.) And that we don't give out shots every time a particular sports team scores? (More blank staring.)

Fifteen minutes pass. The Ravens score again.

Fan #1:Hoo-wee! Yeah! Ravens! (More hi-fives.) Shots! Shots on the house!
Me: Hey, Remember? We. Are. Not. In. Baltimore. (A closeup of Tony Romo, the Cowboys quarterback, comes on the TV. Fan #1 yells as I turn my back.)
Fan #1:Fucking faggot!

I turn slowly around.

Me: Excuse me?
Fan #2: Tony Romo! Tony Romo! He means Tony Romo!

Scene.

Friday, November 30, 2007

I Open Birthday Presents Early

A couple early presents:

First, from Uncle Mike (the polyglot): Every kid's favorite present, cash!


Second, from mom, a hand-knitted scarf made from baby llamas!


I'm pretty sure it's baby llama fur, not guts.