If This is an April Fools I'm Going to Lose It

This new Omegle thing is basically a program that reverts back to the internet in 1994, where the only thing you could do was chat with a complete stranger. Here's my go:

Also: BRONCO READY TOMORROW OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG Now to get it registered. Which should only take a couple years.

Finally, a small, poor-quality video of TBs preparing to ride down some stairs in a trash can, followed by B riding down them all accidentally.

Things That Are Not For Everyone

Yesterday at the Giant I waited behind a woman who was locking up her bike for a solid two minutes. The bike had reflectors all over it, and she seemed confused with every step of the process she had undertaken. Lots of locking, unlocking, and relocking of the bike. Finally she was satisfied and went inside, leaving this:


In case you can't tell, the lock is attached to no part of her bike. I almost stole the thing out of principle.

In other amazing news, I joined a fantasy football league. Joe and I have been talking for years about starting a team and managing it according to a perfectly random algorithm, so I decided to see if it is possible.

Step A: Joining a league. I looked for one that would assign players automatically, and with an awesome name. So I joined "Smooth Criminalz."

Step B: Naming of my team. When in a league ending in z, one's team name must also include a z. Therefore, be prepared for in-depth updates regarding my team, Frizzesh Fizzootball. All decisions will be made randomly, except for instances where I

Virtual trash talk: why the internet was invented.

Miracles of the Internet, Part 5 with 8-Word Reviews!

I've always wanted to have a liquor cabinet in my house that my future children could one day plunder (since I never had the chance as a child, what with the teetotaler parents and all), and last week I began that quest. But I didn't want to actually go to the liquor store. What to do, people? BUY BOOZE ON THE INTERNET, that's what.


It actually works.

Check it: a new feature: 8-word product reviews:

1. Franziskaner Dunkel Weisse: I don't know, Ana likes it. It's German.
2. Victory Baltic Thunder: This porter is brewed with black eyed peas.
3. Aventinus Weizenbock: Really, really, really, really delicious beer.
4. Corner Creek Reserve Bourbon: Just $22 and smooth as a mother's kiss.
5: Pappy Van Winkle's Family Reserve Bourbon, 20yr: The bottle comes with its own velour bag.

So-So Tuesday

I got a call from my Dad this morning, which I knew only meant that my grandma had died. It's difficult to be sad, though, because she had been ready to go for a long time. But I'm still sad because she was the best grandma ever and she always told me how pretty I was.


In other news, the internet is doing things that I have put off for years, like filing papers to make me single again. The internet is AMAZING. Best part? "Product: Divorce." Ha. That's a quality product you sell, Internet!

So basically everyone needs to get ready for bachelor Deffo, which as Senior pointed out recently should include essential oils, gold jewelry, sports cars, scantily-clad ladies, expensive electronic equipment, and a tan. It's a lot to get ready for, I know, but we'll all be better for it in the end.

The Internet is a Boundless World of Bliss and Whimsy

First of all, let's all agree that we would trade freedom for good internet access. Agreed? Good. Second, Dave "I'm too metal for Metallica" Mustaine was recently interviewed by Bankrate.com. True story.


Why was I trolling Bankrate.com, you ask? Good question! I am getting old, and old people put money in "banks" instead of "sock drawers." An old person told me that.

Every Time I Think I've Found the Purpose of The Internet,

Something else comes along and proves that I'm way off base. Like a live-action re-enactment of Garfield comic strips, followed by music montages.


Thanques, Sistr!

BOW BEFORE YOUR RESERVED DIRECTOR

Best personality test ever. Scroll over color blocks to find out how to recreate yours truly:



Ladies, please notice how large my 'masculinity' block is.