Los Angelesing +

There are certain things one does when traveling to certain cities. In LA, it is getting off the plane, getting in the car, and driving directly to Roscoe's House of Chicken & Waffles.


Then we went to see Teeners and Devin. Saturday afternoon we took a drive up Mulholland and took in the scenery.


Turns out Ana has a thing about standing on cliffs. HAHA LOSER


Last time, we decided that the apartment complex they live in is Melrose Place. This time, however, we realized that it's actually Daniel and Lucille Larusso's apartment from Karate Kid, only with water in the pool. See?

Karate Kid apartment:


Teeners and Devin Apartment:


The only difference is that that fairweather friend Freddy Fernandez doesn't live there. Thanks for backing me up when Johnny beat the shit out of me in front of everybody, Freddy! Enjoy not being in a single scene for the rest of the movie!

The next day we met up with my family before the funeral, and my mom gave me what is likely the best picture ever taken of anyone. Please note my vicious belly, defiant look and my grandma's resulting amusement:


That night, Ana and I toasted to grandma's memory by enjoying a handful of 7&7s--her favorite--at the hotel bar. Hotel bars rule.


After the ceremony we decided to drive down to Newport Beach, where I spend a lot of time as a kid. I asked my mom how to get there (about 30 miles from where we were staying) and she drove me this map:


If you can't tell, it basically says "drive to the coast and take a left." My mom is amazing. But I did get to see my mom's parents' little bungalow for the first time in twenty years:


It's a one-bedroom house and it's probably worth $52,000,000 now.

I had two things I wanted to do in Newport: one, take the ferry across to Balboa Island, which was probably my favorite thing to do as a kid.


Check. Verdict: the ferry lasted all of thirty seconds. But still awesome. Also, either Keri loves the band U2, or she loves me as well.

The second thing I wanted to do was to recreate the picture of me as a kid devouring a chocolate-covered banana. Bam:

Verdict: delicious.

Other delicious things: Winchell's donuts. Particularly chocolate-covered devil's food cake Winchell's donuts. Mom got us a couple for the drive.


Then we got on the plane, looking forward to another delicious red eye. Every time it seems like a good idea when booking the tickets, and a horrible one when we arrive home with two hours before work. But whatevs.


BONUSBONUSBONUS Last week was a bad week for people I knew who were old. Archie, who had been my work's exclusive cabbie for years, passed on Wednesday. He was a great old guy who had become an honorary member of our staff and a friend. We went to his memorial service today:

Archie was a musician, and when he was a younger man he toured with the Ike and Tina Turner Review and opened for Otis Redding before becoming a house guitarist and singer in DC for more than twenty years. He performed under the stage name Art Falls. If you've the gumption, download his song called "I Want You Baby."

West Coast Bound. Plus, the End of America

After work tonight, Ana and I are getting on a plane to head to my grandma's funeral in LA. Leave it to the best grandma in the world to give us a break from DC winter, and also a chance to see Martina for a couple days.


In other sad news, Poloroid is ceasing to exist. Real Poloroid, that is.

BONUSBONUSBONUS Grandma at 20:

So-So Tuesday

I got a call from my Dad this morning, which I knew only meant that my grandma had died. It's difficult to be sad, though, because she had been ready to go for a long time. But I'm still sad because she was the best grandma ever and she always told me how pretty I was.


In other news, the internet is doing things that I have put off for years, like filing papers to make me single again. The internet is AMAZING. Best part? "Product: Divorce." Ha. That's a quality product you sell, Internet!

So basically everyone needs to get ready for bachelor Deffo, which as Senior pointed out recently should include essential oils, gold jewelry, sports cars, scantily-clad ladies, expensive electronic equipment, and a tan. It's a lot to get ready for, I know, but we'll all be better for it in the end.

Fanksgiffing Travel Tips

We took a quick trip to Atlanta for Thanksgiving to see my family, and to eat. Which is how visiting the South works, basically.

First: drive around for 5 hours looking for a CVS or a Walgreens or some place that sells things to cure Ana's typhoid. Next, breakfast at Ria's Bluebird Cafe. (Travel tip #1: Do this.)


Next: check into brother's girlfriend's apartment, which she is lending us while she's out of town. What do we do? Contaminate it! Sorry about the typhus germs, Sarah! Ha, ha! Another dose of Airborne, please!


What's good for typhoid, you ask? Beer!


Travel tip #2: watch local news. Because you don't care about the scary parts, the feel-good stories are a source of pure comedy.


So Thanksgiving rolls around, and because consumptives can't sleep very well, the best idea is to visit Waffle House. This particular Waffle House was a "Hash-Slinging Zone," which was fine with me. They also don't like firearms. But those things don't matter, really.


What matters is that Waffle House produces delicious, delicious food. Get that shit on Texas Toast, people. It's good for you.


Later, Ana is released from quarantine long enough to do some cooking at my parent's house. Travel tip #3: do things the way she likes, or she'll yell at you.


Then eat and go visit Grandma. I'd give you a picture, but if I had tried to get my camera out she probably would've broken it. Grandma weighs about 80lbs these days, which is not cool at all. But she still rules. As if she couldn't.

And later, we go with my brother looking for a place to get a beer. We found one called "Pufferbelly's" which included this Monster® Energy Drink poster of a woman's backside with a can of Monster® Energy Drink tucked conveniently in her thong:


In short, Pufferbelly's ruled. Happy Thanksgiving.

Grandma, Baseball, &c.

This weekend we went to Atlanta to visit my Grandma, who rules. She rules so much that I trimmed my beard, because being presentable to Grandma is important.


I also changed my shirt, because I proselytize for good comics:


Then I got on the plane.


Then I rented a car from a business named "E-Z Car Rental". The name should be "Gross Sad Car Rental".


Then we went to Ria's Bluebird Cafe where Ana found out that she is totally their type:


Then, duh, we went to the ballgame. Stupid Atlanta doesn't have branded beer bottles yet.

There was this girl there


Ana wanted to fight the little girl.


Then we went to dinner with my Grandma.


Later, we danced a little bit.


Also, we went to the best bar in Atlanta.


And finally we got back on the plane.


BONUS!!! CAT ACTING LIKE DOG!!! CLICK TO ENLARGE!!!