Sunday Funday Whiskey & Gunday IV

Up front: nobody died or was maimed, so don't get your hopes up. But that doesn't mean that awesome things didn't happen. This was the most elaborate SFWGD yet, complete with electronics and pressurized canisters of things to shoot.

You might expect that the shooting and blowing up of things is the most fun part of SFWGD. I posit that the purchasing of the things to blow up is just as fun. Say, for instance, that you see this huge container of cheese puffs. To eat or to shoot? No matter, we say. The motto is always one for eatin', one for shootin'. Unless it's something gross, like a big tub of Miracle Whip, which is just for shooting.


Of course, another fun thing is seeing Senior dressed up like a big person on a motorcycle.

And four of us dressed up like tour groups.



I don't know if you remember this, but Joe has enjoyed (?) a string of injury-ridden SFWGDs, so of course we were all paying close attention when he picked up a gun for the first time.

I even tempted fate and shot doubles skeet with him, which I won handily and in no way cheated.


Even though Senior was the only one present for Joe's 4-wheeler accident last year, which basically means that she probably caused it and has been blackmailing him since so he won't go public, people still let her drive them around.


Look at this bunch of poorly-prepared idiots.



It makes SFWGD I look like a Model T, really.


Joe had a good idea to conduct a science experiment, wherein some baking soda would get shot and dump into a jar of vinegar. Only problem: jar was glass, vinegar just poured out. Next year: elaborate suspension system.


Last year began the tradition of mascots (RIP Lobster Nicole Smith, and please to lift the curse on our souls), which continued this year with an adorable stuffed lamb. Here is Evan posing with Shep-Shep and a spy.



Here is Evan ritually executing Shep-Shep.


Later, Shep-Shep was covered in spray paint and refuse.


Who knew that the bottle of Beam from SFWGD I was still in the house? Vintage, people.


Finally, a video of Matt warming up (read: setting fire to) some brush around a liter canister of propane in preparation for Joe (!) to shoot with a shotgun. Please enjoy the terrified screaming of multiple ladies for the first minute or so. There may be cursing, maybe not.

The fire didn't spread. At least not that we noticed.

Look at the guy who said shooting a canister of pressurized gas was a bad idea.

Also, I forgot that we shot my shirt. Here you can see Evan shooting a can of spray paint behind the shirt.

And So Begins the iPhone Photo Dumps

I hadn't believed it when I read about it, but it seems that in fact the crips are invading DC:

I will say for the record that I didn't know that crips threw boomerangs.

In other news, after admitting that she doesn't like Arby's or Venture Brothers, Abby reiterates that she doesn't like Pho. While joining us for Pho.


Plus! New For Better or for Horrible.

Ocean City USA

It's hard to have a bad trip to the beach, it turns out. Even with no sun, and when somebody's car breaks down on the way, the ish still rulez.

The ruling, it turns out, has much to do with being an adult and getting to do whatever you want.


Like, say, eating a snow cone and a caramel apple AT THE SAME TIME.


Or spending $20 on carnival games in exchange for a toy truck and three Dum-Dums.


Like this kid, who was enraptured by the claw.


Really, the entire point of going to the beach is to go to the bars. Or, in the case of Ocean City, the bar. The Bearded Clam, that is. The greatest bar in the world. Why, you ask? Because when you get up from your seats at the nearly-empty bar, they put a reserved sign. Cuz they know you're coming back.


And because they have all sorts of quasi-vintage beer paraphernalia, like this Bud sign which seems to have something grammatically wrong with it. Either way, though, it's still hard to argue with being Uniform and Distinctive at the same time. Just like America!




We stayed at Boss Boss's condo, which was likely built by Khrushchev, and which features a) the least-helpful exit diagram ever,


and b) the best beach-themed lamp ever.



Also, Ana was there!


Bad news.

OC Teaser

Back from the beach, which means I'm sweaty, tired, and have to be at work soon. So before the full post, here's a couple tidbits to tide you over.

A Visit to Senior's, Plus: Countdown!

Remember when we were trying to find out where Senior works during the day? Well, we found out really quickly. But since the daytime is kind of a bummer, it took a while to get up the energy to see her. I had to get up before noon today, so I figured it might as well be today.

She works at a pretty awesome piece of depressing business-district DC, covered in beer paraphernalia and peppered with daytime office drunks. In short, awesome. And like the rest of the world, it's hard to take a picture of her there:


Hint: if you add a Michelob Light and a copy of USA Today, you've got a little slice of heaven.


BONUSBONUSBONUS The one-year DeffoVersary is Friday. There's going to be some awesome stuff, provided I think of awesome stuff. How about some ideas?

In the meantime, look at this great picture of the Awakening sculpture being moved to PG County:

Nephew Video: Incredible Hi-Five, Nose Pick PLUS!

BONUSBONUSBONUS Text convo with Dana Senior yesterday:

Dana: Maybe I just saw Paris Hilton

Me: ¿Qué?!

Dana: At taping of Letterman. Girl is HOMELY

Me: LOLZ 4 REAL

BREAKING: Philip Seymour Hoffman Plays Conflicted Intellectual

And he does it well. The Savages is good; I recommend it.


In other news, Senior has been found out. She'd better watch herself.

BONUSBONUSBONUS Heck's Kitchen has taken my poorly thought-out idea and begun making lots of different products that people might actually like to buy. So what, you say? So I need better ideas, so I win. Please feel free to include them in the comments.

Oh, and our work holiday party is going to include a party bus and duckpin bowling (they have a snack bar!) in Baltimore. Feel free to hold your collective breaths.

Have You Seen This Woman?

So Senior


got a new job and won't tell anybody where she's working.


She's acting like she has pride or something. Screw that. Let's find her! Here is what we know:

1. She says it's on L St NW in Washington, DC. (She may be lying)
2. She says she's working lunches (probably true, may mean that it's a lunch-only, caters to people with real jobs crowd)
3. They serve Michelob Light (this should narrow it down a bit)
4. One of her co-workers asked recently, "Are you SERIOUSLY saying that you don't like Nickelback?!?" (place must be awesome)

Will add more clues as they come along. Please feel free to post your own knowledge in the comments. This way we should be crashing her lunch shift by the end of the month.

Back and Killing Things Indiscriminantly

New camera is everything I dreamed it would be: it takes photos and allows me to seamlessly transfer them to my personal computer. In short, what people used to dream about. Today I took it out for a spin.

First, I took a bad picture of Ana stretching in preparation for eating pho:


Which may sound weird unless you knew that she was going to fill her belly with cow tendons and raw steak:


After that we went to see Senior at Rusticles, where she is "cocktailing". Since she was lolligagging around southeast Asia a month ago, she sees this development as a bummer. We see it as funny. Ha, ha! Dana, you're bummed!


When we got home, my copy of Mac OSX 10.5 LEOPARD was waiting for me. Of the 300 new features, the only one I am likely to use: new backgrounds for PhotoBooth! Look! Four pictures of me as if I were underwater!


Then I remembered that there's this new cat in the house. I was pretty sure she was still alive, but I thought I should take some pictures to convince her former owner. Look, former owner! She's even eating!


She loves being photographed. I've heard that's the case with kidnap victims.


Such a pretty cat. Aren't you! AREN'T YOU?!!


Oh yeah, there's other, older, fatter cats still in the house.


Also, there are also dudes ready to go out on the town.


BONUSBONUSBONUS A drawing of Ana and me (in my best Don Martin style) from a long time ago that I just re-found:


(She added the unicorn crying blood.)

Sunday Funday Whiskey and Gun Day II: Guns, Gods and Glories

Last year's Sunday Funday Whiskey and Gun Day was pretty awesome, but it was a bare-bones event. We had a table, some stuff to shoot, and some guns. That was it. There were no mascots, no explosions, no vehicles flipping over--aside from some well-framed poses, it was basically just people shooting guns at things. We were determined to change all that with the second incarnation, and we did.

First, we had to bring Dana back from Thailand so she could be at this year's festivity. I don't know how many of you are well-versed in extradition treaties, but drug jails are a real hassle. Red tape as far as the eye can see! But it all worked out and we shoved her in the back seat and tried to take pictures:


We warmed up by shooting "skeet," which I think is how they spell it. It may be "sqeit." You know that gun jargon. Cryptic as hell.



After we had killed all the sqeits, it was time for the real purpose of the whole weekend: to put the stuff we bought on a couch and shoot it over and over again. Here's the whole gang before we got started. A rag-tag bunch, ha ha ha!


Oh wait! Joe decided that since it seems that I can't have a phlog without a lobster in it, he would bring one along and make it the mascot of the day. Meet Lobster Nicole Smith:


Then I took a picture of myself looking tough with a "thirty-eight special," which is named after a band. The only thing I hit after taking this picture was the side of the hill. Darned close-range killing machines. No good for target practice. Unless you're targeting something from one foot away, execution-style.


Looking at what you've just shot is alot more fun than you might think.


And yes, that is a tub of Country Crock. I was raised on that shit.

Two hours later, the couch was dirty and shotten!


And I laid down in front of it even though it was totes gross. Continuity comes at a price, people.


Part two of the evening involved drinking fancy beer and sitting around a fire trying to be funny. In short, what America was made for. Greg's pretty good at it.


A smart thing to do at this point in time is to take some four-wheelers out for a spin in the woods. Joe and Dana put on "helmets" (I'm spelling it phonetically) before going out for what they said was a safety precaution. Your insurers thank you, Joe and Dana!


Anyway, Joe has been tempting fate and laughing at God for way too long, so Jesus decided that it was time to give him a wake-up call! By "wake-up call" I mean "ATV rolling over on top of you and your life hanging in the balance," of course. It didn't totally wake him up, though, because he could still walk, kind of.


That's our Joe. Last year: setting face on fire. This year: risking spinal injury. Next year: coma. FOR OUR AMUSEMENT.

Later, Ana got suited up for a spin around the rink:


And then the next day Katie bought a Kitten from the Kountry Store.




BONUS BONUS BONUS WE BLEW UP A TV AND IT'S ON VIDEO


Joe and Matt running away might be the best part of the thing.

PS: My camera died right after I got back.

PPS: Katie got this great one of me practicing perfect gun safety after I executed a can of whipped cream:

PPPS: Katie sent a video of me shooting a jug of soda and then dancing. It's probably the best thing ever.