Guess Who Got Bored Today?

Best Email Ever

Preface: My sister and I were obsessed with the movie The Natural when we were kids. Whatever, we were wholesome.

----- Original Message ----
From: Deffo Sister
To: Deffo
Sent: Monday, May 19, 2008 8:12:50 PM
Subject: ten surprises upon re-watching The Natural for, like, the 500th time

1. This was my first time to see the movie in about a decade. Last year, they did a "director's cut" of the movie. (Was there really a demand for a director's cut? Were the people really crying out?...) They added 20 new minutes of film. But they tightened up the overall film so the movie was only 6 minutes longer.
2. The director's cut is good. The movie actually feels like it moves along better. They go into the story of Roy Hobbs' origins a little more. The opening scenes aren't so choppy. His character has a lot more nuance.
3. Robert Redford apparently modeled his swing after Mickey Mantle's. He looks so much like a real ball player that it kind of sucks to realize he's just an ACTOR!
4. I may be slightly obsessed with this movie. Sorry.
5. I'm surprised by how well this movie has held up after 24 (!) years. You know what's going to happen, and you know the soundtrack is totally over-the-top romantic American Randy Newman stuff, but it still is kind of great to watch.
6. Gus was a PIMP! (Gus is the creepy bookie with the cyclops eye.) He kept Memo Paris on a string and bought her fancy furs and jewelry in return! So that's what that was all about!
7. Kim Basinger as Memo Paris. MEMO PARIS! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF NAME IS THIS. I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION.
8. I didn't realize that Richard Farnsworth's character's full name was "Red Blow." Red Blow! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF NAME IS THIS, etc. etc.
9. One of the parts they tightened up was our beloved "Well, what about you there, Huckleberry? [beat] Scared?" Now it's "Well,whataboutyouthere,Huckleberry,scared?" As you might have guessed, I rent my garments in twain and dumped ashes on my head over this tragic edit.
10. Kim Basinger, Glenn Close, Robert Redford, Robert Duvall, Barbara Hershey and Richard Farnsworth in one movie = TOTALLY WICKED-GOOD CAST.

Anyhow. How's tricks, cookie?
-c.

I'll bet that "Red Blow" is an oldfashioned term for cocaine.

Also, I say, don't forget Michael Madsen ("Bump" Bailey--lots of cocaine references in this wholesome movie) and Wilford Brimley! The cast just keeps on giving.

For your enjoyment, I offer this clip from the movie (which same sister texted to me the other day), where the batboy asks Roy Hobbs if he can help him make a superbat.

Punk's Relaxing Sunday

May 17=Special Tippers Holiday

Yesterday was graduation day, which one would think would be a time of joy and merriment and drinking and tipping appropriately. Guess what? One would be wrong.

Exhibit A: At first glace it looks like somebody left a $30 tip on $4. That would be outrageous! It's okay, though, because it was 30¢. How did he arrive at 30¢, I wonder?


That would be pretty good by itself, but not on this day. This day was special! Later on came a woman who, for her $30 tab, left me these two beauties:


In case you can't tell, they are two (expired!) vouchers for a free drink at the Clarendon Ballroom (a place I will likely never set foot in unless the overwhelming urge to see a cover band wins out). Top it all off: I have to get hired by Accenture first. Talk about adding insult to injury.

Turns Out

We have roses. Who knew.


Keep the roadtrip recommendations coming, people.

Chatting with Junes + The World is Ending, Get Ready

After perusing my upcoming roadtrip itinerary, Junes (aka Dana Junior aka the great chocolate heiress) texts me today:

Junes: I noticed saint paul wasnt included in your itinerary.
Me: Actually i looked into it and then realized that you live in scandinavia
Junes: No passport?
Me: Hate white people
Junes: Not a lot of pigment with the nords.

Also in the last week Ana has realized that she enjoys a) Blue Moon and b) Jager Bombs.


Next step: whiny baby voice, perhaps collars fully popped joining kickball league.

Two Reviews in One Day OMG ICBITIFA

In his review of this phlog, Patrick asked for more reviews of things he'd like to eat. Two months later, I get around to it.

Behold something I'm betting Patrick likes to eat Vol. 1:

STAR CRUNCH

Star Crunch, for the sad and pathetic among you who don't know, is a Little Debbie product consisting of the following, probably: chocolate, caramel, rice crispies, soy lecithin.

First off, the packaging:

1. The shit is 35 cents. Can't beat it.
2. Star Crunch is not a meal, people. It is a snack.
3. Since there is nothing star-related in the snack itself--it would be more aptly named ChocoCrispyCrunch, in my opinion--Little Debbie had to add some star bursts to justify calling it Star Crunch. Which is cool with me.

Now the product:

The delicious center is chocolatey and gooey, true, but the true joy of eating a Star Crunch is in the anticipation. See it is imperative that one nibble off the outer coating of rice crispies--which are lightly coated in chocolate and really don't have much taste or texture and aren't very rewarding at all as far as snacks are concerned--before taking a full bite. Withholding that immediate sensory pleasure makes the experience that much more rewarding. Believe it.

In other news here's the tentative route for Road Trip USA, set to leave June 1:


View Larger Map

So here's your job, people. Give us places to visit in the following cities:

1. Pittsburgh
2. Columbus, OH
3. Cincinnati
4. Louisville
5. Bowling Green, KY
6. Nashville
7. Memphis (aside from the obvious)
8. Jackson, MS
9. Baton Rouge, LA
10. Houston

PS: ICBITIFA = I Can't Believe It This Is Fucking Awesome