Forgot to post the most boring ride at the Montgomery County Fair:
And also Bigfoot, who "won" the Monster Truck Rally, which is disappointing because it involves absolutely no head-to-head action, simul-jumping, or destruction of the weaker Monster Trucks. It's just each one going after the other.
Here is me smoking a cigar in Key West. It's amazing what being an adult male at a wedding will make one do.
COME ON PEOPLE LOOK AT THIS TATTOO IT IS BOB MARLEY MORPHING INTO A LION
Hello, my name is Mikey and I'm 7 1/2 feet tall and I'm a zombie.
Ed Hardy now produces and sells chardonnay for $9.99 a bottle.
And last but not least, some place we went to in Key West had a VHS copy of Cocktail displayed prominently behind the bar. Our bartender was unsurprisingly practicing some pretty sweet flair in his downtime.
Zipcar failed for the first time on Saturday, kind of spectacularly, when we arrived to get the car for the wedding and the thing had a flat. Normally it wouldn't be an issue but I was wearing my Zegna joint and it was hot so changing it was out of the question. Luckily there was a cab in the parking lot, and I noticed that he was wearing a propeller hat.
The short story (considering that it was a long wedding and even longer reception) was that it was a good time.
We went to Black Cat afterward, in our finery, which seemed like a good idea but likely wasn't, since we had been at it since like noon and it was now late at night, probably. I really don't know what time it was.
Nor do I know that Chad America would say Good Morrow. It just came to me.
Then today back to Richmond for completion of phase one of left arm. Look!
Not a great picture, but here is the beginning of my new tattoo. It's my left arm, if that's not clear.
Why a cat pegacorn (pegacornicat), you ask? Because of that old tattoo axiom: forearms are for appliances, upper arms for iconic animals.
The dude who is doing it had this drawing up for his next appointment. It is a Gummi Bear diving off of a pizza diving board into a swimming pool full of Gummi Bear parts. (He included spines which I think is a nice touch.) I wanted to get it.
Achewood poses a dialectic. Let it be noted that Roast Beef here describes my next tattoo.
And a dog. The dog was bummed because he had to sit in the back.
People have lots of opinions about West Virginia. Two of them are right. 1) It is beautiful
And 2) terrifying. This is an abandoned gas station with an abandoned semi on blocks. If we had seen this at night I would likely have been murdered.
Before going to the Tri-State Dog Track and Slot Emporium, we had Arby's.
In Kentucky, the sandwich shop was selling Pickle Pops, with aren't pops at all but rather plastic ramekins filled with frozen pickle juice. We bought two and they were not refreshing.
You know what is refreshing? Buying 9 bottles of bourbon.
And then the proprietor gives you two pints of your favorite "for the road." Now that's a responsible liquor purveyor!
Soon after that we see Dinosaur World, which is impossible to not stop at.
Next door to Dinosaur World, of course, is a fireworks store where Teebz buys lots of illegal mortars and the like.
There are lots of videos of us shooting them off, but I'll just give you the one for now. (Hint: If you don't have the sound on it's going to be even more boring than it is already.)
Then we walked down the road acting all innocent and around the corner we find this big jail which explains why there were cops everywhere.
The next day we went to Graceland. I have sworn to recreate the TV room when I get the money. No fake. The bar is yellow vinyl.
Then in a Mississippi rest stop: the first of two great bathroom photos:
The cup says "SOAP please do not dump out the dispenser is broke"
New Orleans on a random Tuesday night: hot as hell and people trying to act like it's Mardi Gras. Bummer. Recommendation: find 24-hour bar playing Death Wish 3. Take a picture of its bathroom.
In Austin, it was time for Roadtoo. Specifically, bald eagle carrying booze and fireworks.
After staying in Motel 6es for four nights, we noticed that the skier/boxer on the comforter has an arm that looks suspiciously like a red rocket. I'm guessing that life as a designer for Motel 6 bedspreads yields little excitement.
We've been to Baltimore a million times in the past couple years, but never Richmond. Why? Because it's the capital of the South? No, the South rules. Because it's further away? Nobody cares about things like distance or time. It just boils down to laziness, people. We've been too lazy to give Richmond a chance. Those days are over.
On the way to Richmond or anywhere chances are you're going to want to stop and Dunkin' Donuts. This particular one that we went to not only didn't have any donuts, it didn't let us tip its employees:
Anyway. You know when you have an idea in your head of what a place will be and then it doesn't live up to that mental picture? Richmond is not that place. Richmond is exactly like I thought it would be. Or at least the hotel was:
When the hotel calls for it, sometimes a murder has to happen. Plus, Joe is super accident-prone so it's easy to call it an accident.
Right across the street was this CBS Station which says it's the South's First Television Station. Which it probably is. But none of the lights in the sign work.
Later, it got scary cuz it turns out Katie is a zombie changeling
and we just had to act like everything was normal
Also in Richmond it is compulsory to smoke cigarettes.
Also this is where this one girl started following us around.
I mean this is the next day and she's wearing the same clothes. You'd think she'd have the decency to change.
Travel Tip: If you're ever in Richmond and you need some flour or a notion, you know where to go:
This car had three kegs of beer in the back.
Before the zombie Katie got tattooed we went to the cemetery because Joe says there are some great names there. P. Lightfoot Wormeley says he is right:
As do Mary B. Strange and B. Gay Strange.
The only problem for me was that I found out that I'm dead.
Get a load of these two drunks dancing outside the bar! Omg. The girl had barfed inside earlier.
Ed Hardy now produces and sells chardonnay for $9.99 a bottle.
