Things I Learned from Inauguration Weekend

1. I am an asshole. Two people told me so! The second was last night, when I was admittedly near the end of my normally endless rope:

Int., a bar, 10 minutes til close. 50ish Man approaches.

50ish Man: (hoarsely.) I bought a round of beers for my friends before last call and now your doorman isn't letting them in.

Me: Yeah, we can't let anybody in after last call.

50ish Man: But I bought them beers.

Me: I understand. But I can't let them in.

50ish Man: But I bought them beers.

Me: Yes. But by that logic, you could by 50 beers and invite your friends over at 5am to help you finish them off.

50ish Man: So there's no middle ground here?

Me: Sorry, no.

50ish Man walks back to his table. Two minutes pass.

50ish Man walks to the bar with four beers.

50ish Man: I'm not paying for these beers. You can call the cops.

Me: OK.

50ish Man: I'm not paying for them.

Me: Sounds good.

50ish Man walks back to his table, sits down.

50ish Man: (yelling.) Fuck you, asshole!

Me: OK.

50ish Man: (tantruming.) I've been coming to this bar since 1986!

Me: That's fascinating, since it wasn't established until six years later.

50ish Man: You're an asshole!

Me: OK. Oh, and also, you get to leave now.

Scene.

My Inauguration Experience

I was going to go down to the mall for the inauguration, if only to see the crowd, but when I woke up at 11 and checked online, it seemed that they had shut the place down. So instead of wandering around while Obama spoke, I sat on the couch and watched it on TV like a good American. And then I ordered a pizza.

But yesterday on my walk to work I got about as close to the capitol as the majority of the people did today. If you maximize this photo and squint, you can almost see it!


Then later, a bunch of women were taking pictures with a cardboard cutout of Obama.

I might venture down to the parade in an hour or so. Then back to the gulag work.

UPDATE: This parade of hippies just went by my house. They are law-abiding hippies, though, as you can see when they allow the ambulance to pass. I really wish I could hear the things their cop escort is saying.