LYING CONSPIRATORIAL SODA JERKS

Dr. Pepper still doesn't understand how delicious it is, or how to set up a website giving us free Dr. Pepper.

Nike=Liars. Does Nobody See This?

Anybody who really cares about Back to the Future--I mean really, really cares--wants a pair of the Nikes that Marty wears in 2015. People have been asking Nike to make replicas for years, to no avail.

Until now, right? Nike is doing a big Kobe promotion where he is in the Delorean and wears the shoes. They only made a few pairs, and they're going for $2000 on eBay. Which, if they were good replicas, like these, I think is worth it:


But they aren't. They don't even look like the ones from the movie--no super-high tops, no light-up soles, no auto-laces--even the coloring is all wrong. Look at this crap.

An Open Letter to a Failure

Dear Failure,

Nice going! You saw my pretty bike, all locked up, and decided that you could score some sweet loot if you somehow got it off the post. Thank god you had your hacksaw handy!


Oh, wait...tougher than you thought? Did you kick the pretty bike because it made you mad? The real bummer is that you could've gotten everything off the bike with an Allen wrench, which is much smaller and less theify than a hacksaw.

When I find you, I will likely take a hacksaw to your arm. And then leave halfway through.

Toodles,

The dude whose bike you mangled