Welcome to Saturday. Now: Time for You to be Chastised!

Have you seen Honky Tonk Freeway? No? Why not? What the hell is wrong with you? Were you born stupid, or did you choose to become such an idiot? I'm guessing it's the latter.

Don't worry, though. It's been on TMC a lot lately. A LOT. Quick summation: Mad Mad World (or for this generation, Rat Race) meets Smokey and the Bandit meets most any Jim Jarmusch movie. Oh--and throw in a healthy dose of Ishtar and Waterworld.

Look at all the people in it:


Plays an alcoholic, married to best-Hollywood-name-ever, Hume Cronyn:


Plus: The cop who wasn't Chris Noth from the first season of Law & Order; Daniel Stern, as a coke fiend who is "Going to the Super Bowl to sell some co-caine"; Beau Bridges; Howard Hesseman; Terri Garr (AKA Mrs. Dad); William Devane; Deborah Rush. In short, it's a veritable hey it's that guy movie classic.

Also: Beverly D'Angelo plays a nymphomaniac waitress who carries her mother's ashes with her everywhere she goes. This should be reason enough to watch it (next Thursday at 4:40pm).

This is reason enough to buy a new iPhone.

Friday Review: It's 7am and I Just Got Home From Seeing The Dark Knight.

Which unfortch means that I don't have a whole lot of energy for an in-depth review. So here's the quick one. First: picture of the Uptown at 3:00am. It is not on fire; it is only lit up.


Verdict:

If I were Bruce Wayne, I would likely move away from Gotham City. The Joker (and this has only a little bit to do with the sadness of Heath Ledger dying) is the baddest ass to come around in some time. The fucker is SCARY and AMAZING and, most surprisingly, believable and (somehow) nuanced.

NBC4 was waiting to interview people when we came out into daylight. I shied away because I couldn't think of anything to say that didn't have lots of expletives.

Friday Night Treats

In order to get the picture of my hairy face off the front page, here is a picture of what sidewalk when I left this morning at 5:30am:


That is a growned-ass man passed out in the doorway of the club next to where I work. I halfway wanted to rob him preemptively so I could give his stuff back the next day, but right after I took this picture he barfed everywhere.


I don't know about you people, but I slept on Death Wish for far too long. Charles Bronson is a cinematic genius. He makes us believe he's a bleeding-heart liberal within two minutes of the opening credits! You know how? He tells us, that's how. Anyways. I've also slept on Death Wish II, Death Wish 3, Death Wish 4: The Crackdown (he fights crackheads in that one, natch), and Death Wish V: The Face of Death (the studio couldn't decide on Roman v. Arabic Numerals apparently). They are all awesome, people.



Why do I say this? Because I have also slept on the fact that Stallone is remaking the original. He says it would be volcanic. And he is right.

Bonus Death Wish Facts:

1. Christopher Guest's first credited US cinematic role was as a cop in the first installment. He is not funny.

2. Jeff Goldblum's first credited US cinematic role was as "Freak #1" in the first installment. He watches as his freak buddies (who stake out rich people while trying to steal things from grocery stores and making lewd tongue gestures to strangers) rape and kill Bronson's wife and daughter. THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

3. Olympia Dukakis plays a cop too.

I Will Make it My Beezwax to Be There

BREAKING semi-possible NEWS:

DAVID WAIN IN TALKS TO PRODUCE "WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER: THE MUSICAL"

OMGZ.

thanks, Lindsayism!