DYIR:PIWET (DeffoTotes Year In Review: Places I Went Edition) + Blay vol. IV: NYE Edition

1. LA + Environs
2. Harper's Ferry, WV
3. Richmond, VA
4. KY, TN, LA, TX
5. Vegas
6. Ocean City, MD
7. Cleveland, OH
8. Atlanta, GA

Blay, vol. IV: Liquid Courage/Dry Humor

Int., a bar. Closing time. A 20-something kid is slow to leave.

Boss approaches Kid, pats him on shoulder.

Boss: OK, man, finish up. We're closing.
Kid: Who the fuck are you!? Don't put your fucking hands on me!

Boss is momentarily surprised and doesn't respond.

Emp. #1: (to Kid) Dude, that's the owner. You might want to relax.
Kid: (to Boss) You better keep your hands off me!
Boss: (to Kid) All right, that's enough. Time to go.
Kid: I can't wait until this shitty bar fails and I can buy it myself.
Boss: OK.
Kid: How much did you pay for it? (Fumbles in his pockets, begins pulling out crumpled dollar bills, ultimately putting $14 on the bar.) I'll buy it from you tenfold!
Boss: Have a great night.
Kid: You know what's wrong with this country? Huh? NOBODY CARES ABOUT MATH ANYMORE.
Boss: Ok. Have a great night.
Kid: YOU have a great night! YOU have a great night!
Emp. #2: (Walking past Kid.) You're a night.

Scene.

Best & Worst Things of the Year: 2008

After the vaguely successful attempt last year, here is this year's B&WTOTY:

Best Things

1. Santogold, "LES Artistes." Come on.
2. Don P the comedian. Do yourself a favor if you haven't already. (Unfortunately he seems to have gone as quickly as he came. MySpace page is no more.)
3. Fried Pickles.
4. Road Trip USA.
5. The failing of the US economy, which in turn drastically brought down the prices of consumer electronics, allowing Americans to continue realizing the dream of buying things they probably can't afford and definitely don't need.
6. Lists of lists


Worst Things

1. Bike-thief failures
2. See Best Things #5

Best & Worst Things of the Year: 2007

Best:

1. Pho

2. "What's a Girl to Do" - Bat for Lashes. Took over as "Song I Want to Hear Continuously" from Peter Bjorn & John's "Young Folks."

3. Zoe Bell's existence. Anybody who says anything bad about her stunt sequence in Death Proof is probably involved with organized crime, and will likely spend all eternity in hell.


4. The death of Jerry Fallwell. At the time I got a little grossed out by the backlash against a really easy target, but it's a really nice feeling knowing that he's not out there to say stupid shit anymore.

5. New bike

6. Technology

7. Not being robbed (Bummer note: I wrote this before buttholes robbed my sister)

8. Vincent D'onofrio's perpetual descent into madness

9. Achewood. Natch.


10. Health insurance. Oh, wait.


Worst:

1. Jason Lee's complicity in live-action destructions of classic cartoon characters for live-action feature films of Underdog


and Alvin & The Chimpmunks.


To come in 2008: Jason Lee's body washes up on the banks of the East River.

BONUSBONUSBONUS Another good thing: Will Arnett has been chosen to be the new voice of KITT in NBC's resurrection of Knight Rider.

There It Is

I'm not claiming any responsibility for this, but let's just say that I fall into the "for no reason at all" category.