Pictures, Explained

Rather than create a narrative about five days in California and Oregon, which would require comprehension of time and space, I'd rather just comment on some pictures.

First, following in the first rule of American salesmanship, this guy yells obscenities at passersby, then sells them tea, further proving that people love being belittled, all the while justifying my personal work philosophy.


If every restaurant and bar in the world served some version of roasted bone marrow, it would be fine with me. This particular version is from Alembic, has capers and some other stuff, and was served to us by a very sad and weeded bartender who had to make lots of deconstructed Mint Juleps for tourists. He was particularly bummed about the fact that he was still waiting for his grenadine to cool, which is a problem I will likely never encounter.


The trip incorporated about 1200 miles of driving from San Francisco to Eugene, OR and back, a trip which gave me some form of back cancer that makes me walk like a comical old man. Ana and Amy find that HILARIOUS.


Somewhere in San Francisco, somebody's idea of a treasure chest is an oversized plastic container covered in affirmations.


Meanwhile, in Myrtle Creek, OR, the Dairy Queen has a cheeseburger eating competition that started in 2003 and seems to have reached its pinnacle on May 3, 2008, when dudes named Ammon and Tony ate 14 1/2 and 16 cheeseburgers, respectively.

The rules for the contest, which were on another unpictured sign, read something like this: "The cheeseburger contest rules: Eat more than the guy who came before you. Ask employees for details." We didn't ask, but I'm pretty sure the details would include them telling us that we needed to eat more than 16 cheeseburgers. I had a Blizzard instead.


In Eugene, restaurants have signs that tell you that you're entering a "Hate-Free Zone." Lucky for us they didn't do a hate search, cuz they would've probably kicked us out. Also, the picture of George Bush in the bathroom seemed to be covered in hate. Hippies have never been sticklers for consistency.


Here's a picture of Myrtle Creek.

Link Dump

Three straight posts with no pictures? QUE HAPPEN?

"What must be NY's first artisanal bacon bar." (via Fimoculous)

Paste, Pitchfork, Pop Matters review Benjy's new album. (C'mon, Pitchfork! Do you really need to universalize a concept album about Bobby Driscoll? Seems to me that it universalizes itself)

Old Jews Telling Jokes (via BaconJew)

Also, someone needs to start a campaign to eradicate the use of "snark" as the only possible modifier for internet humor. I'll do it if nobody else does.

Update: Forgot to link to this sad news a couple days ago. Salih's book Season of Migration to the North is one of my favorites, ever.

Agenda: SF 3/09

1. El Farolito
2. Toronado
3. Magnolia
4. Zuni
5. Zeitgeist
6. Gestalt
7. Rosamunde Sausage Grill

Feel free to add non-food or -beer related ideas. But they will probs be ignored.

Dinner + Buy a Commemorative Shirt for Something that You May Want to Forget

New bread recipe is good, if a little time-consuming.




Pork remains delicious.


Mini pork tenderloin sandwich:


I really need to overcome my dependence on Sriracha. That or develop a Sriracha bread.

+++Shirt design is complete. Go here to buy (feel free to change the shirt style).

Filling in the Gaps

For some reason, I didn't post this picture of the ridiculous sirloin at Blue Duck Tavern last week. I'm pretty sure it's the best steak I've ever had.


Updates!

+Jenny appropriately eulogizes the month of January, which is better known as the Month Without Achewood.

+When I was a kid, I wanted a pair of cowboy boots and a pickup truck. The boots part has come back with a vengeance. So I'm counting the days until I can spend way too much money on these.

New Shock: POTUS-Elect Tips Well

Ben's Chili Bowl has modified its Bill-Cosby-Is-The-Only-Person-Who-Eats-Free-Here policy to include the Obama family, but when he visited today he handed the cashier $20 for his $12 meal.

"No thanks," he said. "We're straight." *Sigh*


Also, bread is very messy to prepare, but delicious:

I Blanched Something

TWO straight days at the gym makes a body want some green beans.


It doesn't make one crazy, though: toss those bad boys in some sherry vinegar garlic butter reduction and enjoy. Oh, and forget to snap then ends off.

Tomorrow I'll be continuing my path to baking greatness with the NYT's no-knead bread. Also, dough is gross.

Thanksgiving: Comeuppance Edition

Ana barfed all day yesterday, which is ironic because a) she's Seinfeldian in her barfing tendencies; and b) it was Thanksgiving, which is a holiday formed around eating, which is one of her favorite pastimes. This can only mean that she was being punished by God.

Luckily for me, she felt good enough to still make it to dinner at the Tabard Inn, where I had this magnormous pork tenderloin chop. Unlucky for her, she had one bite of her meal and almost barfed. Not because it was gross.


Then she didn't feel up to going to Black Cat, which is a great DC tradition, but I did, so I left her at home. Shortly thereafter, Safia hijacked my phone and took some pictures:


Know who wasn't punished by God? Me

Election Day Pic Dump

Sorry I've been away for a while. I've been busy doing nothing.

During that time, things have happened.

A) My theory about stretching (that it sucks and is stupid, despite my half-hearted attempts) was proven correct. I first came up with this theory when Terry Pendleton joined the Braves in the 90s, bringing with him a super-fangled stretching program. Fact: this program ensured that he pulled a muscle 3 out of ever 7 times he broke into a jog.



B) I provisionally voted. Provisionally because DC doesn't have record of me being registered, even though I was summoned for jury duty like four years ago. Whatevs. At worst, I don't get to be one of the 95% this year.


C) Chick-fil-A still rulz.


D) Tried new/old beer (re-brewing of old beer labels--like shoes--is only going to increase in frequency, I predict) at Red Derby. Verdict: meh. Too sweet. But great packaging, Reading!


E) When one cannot find amazing Banh Mi (which one cannot in DC), what does one do? Get somebody to make it for you, I say.



F) Finally, Frizzesh Fizzootball is on FIRE. Who knew that such little care or concern could help me score 103 points (100 points in anything is good)?! Record now stands at 5-4.

Morality Play Tuesday

About five years ago, mired in debt and without the ability to secure even the most undesirable credit card, a Realtor friend of a friend told me I should buy a condo. "You're throwing your money down the toilet," she said of my rent.

I told her that the likelihood of me being approved for a mortgage of the size necessary to buy an apartment in DC was slim to none. She disagreed, and the next week I had been approved for $300k.

At this point I had about $10k in credit card debt, $25k in student loan debt, owed the IRS some money, and had about $200 in the bank.

All this is to say that I'm not especially surprised at the current economic flim-flam. (I was luckily outbid for the apartment I wanted, which is why I am currently not homeless.)

Anyway. Ana sent along this tidbit a couple days ago:

Baja fresh now offers an Aztec chocolate chip cookie. Quetzaqotal would be proud. Que viva la raza!!


Um. It's Quetzalcoatl. BURN

Sister sends along this, showing that Goldfish has already been blog-sposeed two years ago, and in a more convincing manner:


And finally, Junes gets topical:


Looks like the ol' scanner could use a wipe-down.

Finally, Frizzesh Fizzootball continues its two-week destruction streak, despite forgetting to fix the fact that one of its best players had face surgery.

Birthday Wrapup

At dinner, I pulled out my phone to take a picture before we started and Ana was all 'no don't that's rude' and I did it anyway. Why? Cuz I needed a picture.


The food was great, and included this dish, which was a beef tartare + some sort of fish roe + parsnip ice cream + a tortilla chip. Don't worry, it was delicious.



After, we went to Bourbon where Patso had done up a custom chalkboard (you've seen one before):



Yes, it says Hermano. "It's happy birthday bro," Patso said. He was right.

And finally, inspired by the thing from yesterday, Ana puts on a recital.

Saturday Grab-Bag

This picture of me and Mitch has been on the fridge for a while but I thought it was worth sharing with the world. For reference, this is the morning after we got to New Orleans in 1999 (I think) for Mardi Gras. Look how tough we are, what with the cigarettes and white-dude gang signs!


Yes, those are the remnants of blond in my hair. That's what's called being with it.

I may or may not include my childhood dog in new tattoo. The whole inside of the arm is free, and lookit!


Mini Restaurant Review Time! Ray's Hell Burger (sister restaurant of Ray's the Steaks/the Classics) is right next to Pho 75, so it's taken us a while to have a burger instead of delicious soup. Today we did.
It comes with corn on the cob and watermelon, and Dominion's draft root beer is available in chilled mugs. Verdict: read the last sentence. Duh.

The Olympic opening ceremonies were last night, which resulted in a treasure trove of text messages. A couple good ones:

from Anne: look @ team usa's gear. they are so ready for yacht rock

another from Anne: i'm pretty sure craig sager's tailor makes bank outfitting olympians*

Craig Sager

from Joe: do you think bush is at the olympics in hopes of an assassination as a graceful way out of a failing presidency?

*Thing I learned from Craig Sager's Wikipedia page: he was waiting for Hank Aaron at home plate after his 715th home run. (36 second mark here)

Grocery Shopping + I Am Not a Botanist

Today our refrigerator got fixed. It hasn't worked since early June sometime, but we've been out of town enough that it didn't really matter. This week, however, it began to matter when I started eating three-week old stale oatmeal cookies because the alternative was baking soda. Check out this sweet before and after:


In April, I was sure we had a Cherry Blossom tree in the front yard. Then a woman woke me up at 9:17am (the equivalent of 4am for norms) last week to ask if she could have some of our peaches. I said yes without really realizing that this meant the tree is a peach tree. Then I saw a squirrel making off with one yesterday, which made me think I should grab one before they're gone.


I'll let you know if they're any good in about three weeks when it's ripe.

Two Reviews in One Day OMG ICBITIFA

In his review of this phlog, Patrick asked for more reviews of things he'd like to eat. Two months later, I get around to it.

Behold something I'm betting Patrick likes to eat Vol. 1:

STAR CRUNCH

Star Crunch, for the sad and pathetic among you who don't know, is a Little Debbie product consisting of the following, probably: chocolate, caramel, rice crispies, soy lecithin.

First off, the packaging:

1. The shit is 35 cents. Can't beat it.
2. Star Crunch is not a meal, people. It is a snack.
3. Since there is nothing star-related in the snack itself--it would be more aptly named ChocoCrispyCrunch, in my opinion--Little Debbie had to add some star bursts to justify calling it Star Crunch. Which is cool with me.

Now the product:

The delicious center is chocolatey and gooey, true, but the true joy of eating a Star Crunch is in the anticipation. See it is imperative that one nibble off the outer coating of rice crispies--which are lightly coated in chocolate and really don't have much taste or texture and aren't very rewarding at all as far as snacks are concerned--before taking a full bite. Withholding that immediate sensory pleasure makes the experience that much more rewarding. Believe it.

In other news here's the tentative route for Road Trip USA, set to leave June 1:


View Larger Map

So here's your job, people. Give us places to visit in the following cities:

1. Pittsburgh
2. Columbus, OH
3. Cincinnati
4. Louisville
5. Bowling Green, KY
6. Nashville
7. Memphis (aside from the obvious)
8. Jackson, MS
9. Baton Rouge, LA
10. Houston

PS: ICBITIFA = I Can't Believe It This Is Fucking Awesome

Judge Baby Sez: Eat Yr Crabs, Dummy!

Ana's dad and brother were in town this weekend so we went to eat crabs in Annapolis. Which is awesome because she's allergic.

Sucker.

Know who isn't allergic to crabs? This kid, who has jowels that won't quit. Look how she wields the mallet gavel with such majesty!


Later she got bored and rained down all this stuff from the ether.


Dining tip: don't eat raw oysters and a bunch of crabs on an empty stomach.

Wednesdaze

Yesterday was a good day. First, it was the last day of our lease at the old house, which means that we won't have to ever see our spaz landlord again. We had to get the last few big things out, including the couch, which has been in the living room since well before I moved in three years ago. The couch, unsurprisingly, had become gross and had become the object of a considerable amount of subconscious hatred. It served its purpose, sure, but thank god it's dead now.


We took it and a bunch of other crap to the dump, which is my new favorite place. I highly recommend it.


What does one do after throwing a bunch of shit into an enormous pile of trash? One prepares to go to Minibar, the six-seat restaurant that serves a couple dozen one- or two-bite courses. I've been wanting to go for a long time and our friend who works there finally got us a reservation.

I hadn't eaten all day so I thought it would be smart to eat a little bit beforehand just in case. I call this "Ham with Pickles and Sriracha served with Coors Original."


One of the first courses was a tiny bit of salted olive oil encased in a clear candy shell.


I'm not even going to review these things because it's impossible and I'm no food writer. But I will say that the Sea Urchin with Hibiscus foam was like getting hit in the face by the ocean.


I think my favorite was the steamed bun with caviar and lemon foam. I could've eaten one as big as my face.

The tiny Caesar salad was awesome.

As was the Philly Cheesesteak

And the corn on the cob


And the sangria slushy


But easily the coolest looking dish was this one, which is little gelatin balls filled with the flavors of bagels and lox.


Candies.