METAL

Honestly, when you're a kid, what is the most awesome thing ever? Limousines. And possibly Slayer. We just decided to combine the two, that's all.



THE CEILING WAS MIRRORED


THERE WERE LITTLE PLASTIC STRANDS WITH LIGHTS ON THE END OF THEM


This is how McGill figures one drinks Champagne while riding a limo to a metal concert.


Murph hears metal, limo-surfs, accidentally stops the CD.

STRETCHCURSION

OMG, look who's here! It's Teebz.

Here it appears that Pierce and I are judging Teebz' shotgunning abilities. Pierce: upper half. Me: lower half.

We do not know this guy, but he's wearing a shirt that looks like Teebz.


If I had seen my wrist when I was 15, I wouldn't have believed it. VIP for Slayer?!? As an aside, no advantage was taken of the VIP status, unfortunately. No tour buses, no ladies. Sigh.


Stage on fire. Lower left: dude with wicked farmer tan/tribal.


The traditional greeting at a Slayer concert.

Old people.

A Quick Recap of THE MOST ANNOYING NIGHT IN HISTORY

1. While rehanging a menu board, I knocked this plaster Alka-Selter demon off a ledge and onto my coworker's forehead. No concussion, probably.


Promptly thereafter, the soda gun stopped working.


While trying to fix it, barback slices his finger open and has to go to the emergency room to get stitches. We get to pour mixers out of two-liter bottles for the rest of the night.

Approximately an hour later, credit card processing ceases to function. Cut to me making obscene gestures at the registers multiple times, to no avail. For approximately 45 minutes operations cease because PEOPLE DON'T CARRY CASH. We break out these things


which are old-timey. Bonus: no tip line! Then McGrillz figures out how to fix it.

One Week: MULTIPLE POSTS

Today is a hodgepodge, largely because I have these three unrelated pictures and not very much interest in relating them.

Exhibit 1: Customer pays, I am on board with this. Joe shoves his head in the corner for good measure.


The Pug is a true neighborhood bar. How can I say this, you ask? It's only been open for a couple years!! I argue that the presence of an IOU in a bar constitutes neighborhoodiness. And there's one, right behind the apparition, stuck to the bell.

31 years later, I get my first pair of cowboy boots. Now I have to get jeans that can accompany them. These citified jeans I've been wearing are not gonna hack it.

Sunday Funday Whiskey & Gunday IV

Up front: nobody died or was maimed, so don't get your hopes up. But that doesn't mean that awesome things didn't happen. This was the most elaborate SFWGD yet, complete with electronics and pressurized canisters of things to shoot.

You might expect that the shooting and blowing up of things is the most fun part of SFWGD. I posit that the purchasing of the things to blow up is just as fun. Say, for instance, that you see this huge container of cheese puffs. To eat or to shoot? No matter, we say. The motto is always one for eatin', one for shootin'. Unless it's something gross, like a big tub of Miracle Whip, which is just for shooting.


Of course, another fun thing is seeing Senior dressed up like a big person on a motorcycle.

And four of us dressed up like tour groups.



I don't know if you remember this, but Joe has enjoyed (?) a string of injury-ridden SFWGDs, so of course we were all paying close attention when he picked up a gun for the first time.

I even tempted fate and shot doubles skeet with him, which I won handily and in no way cheated.


Even though Senior was the only one present for Joe's 4-wheeler accident last year, which basically means that she probably caused it and has been blackmailing him since so he won't go public, people still let her drive them around.


Look at this bunch of poorly-prepared idiots.



It makes SFWGD I look like a Model T, really.


Joe had a good idea to conduct a science experiment, wherein some baking soda would get shot and dump into a jar of vinegar. Only problem: jar was glass, vinegar just poured out. Next year: elaborate suspension system.


Last year began the tradition of mascots (RIP Lobster Nicole Smith, and please to lift the curse on our souls), which continued this year with an adorable stuffed lamb. Here is Evan posing with Shep-Shep and a spy.



Here is Evan ritually executing Shep-Shep.


Later, Shep-Shep was covered in spray paint and refuse.


Who knew that the bottle of Beam from SFWGD I was still in the house? Vintage, people.


Finally, a video of Matt warming up (read: setting fire to) some brush around a liter canister of propane in preparation for Joe (!) to shoot with a shotgun. Please enjoy the terrified screaming of multiple ladies for the first minute or so. There may be cursing, maybe not.

The fire didn't spread. At least not that we noticed.

Look at the guy who said shooting a canister of pressurized gas was a bad idea.

Also, I forgot that we shot my shirt. Here you can see Evan shooting a can of spray paint behind the shirt.

PokerNight 2.0: This Time it's Something or Other

This poker night was based largely around tacos, in that they were made for us, as well as the fact that we polished off the bottle of Black Bush (real product) only halfway through the game. But everybody came in their best disguises. Like Chad, who is a member of either a Latino biker gang or a longshoreman or both:


And Cat, who just acted like she wasn't there and hoped to win anyway

And Joe, who was the big winner early on but graciously gave most of it back to the rest of us


and me, who just kept my eyes closed

and hoped that the one card I needed came out. Look! It did!


Sorry, MattBrown. You needed a costume to get into this post.

+++Nush points to this, which aside from the name (it really should be "Wickedify") is amazing.

McGillmas Obsvd: Lasertag Edition

Since Joe shares a birthday with our Lord and Savior, we generally wait until after the holidays to observe it once everything is digested. This year, it was LaserTag in Virginia, somewhere.


Joe somehow finds a dragon/medieval-themed LaserTag joint. He likes those kinds of things.


In our party room, along with snacks and soda pop, the LaserTag people had included a real downer magazine display.


The signage at ShadowLandsLaserTagFamilyFunCentre was choice, and included a place where you can Create-A-Friend:


and get briefed



It also requires its attendees to come up with an alias. Ana: CHALUPA OF PAIN


Me: DEATHBLOW


In between rounds, old people tend to stand around and play skee-ball in silence.

Then later, Laura says she likes my blog. PANDERTIME

Twofer Tuesday

Joe chose an appropriate shirt for his 33rd birthday dinner on Sunday.


Yesterday, Matt gave me this PBR-branded chapstick, which makes me feel a little weird inside. Luckily, PBR has a great icon base to work from.

Richmond: Baltimore of the South

We've been to Baltimore a million times in the past couple years, but never Richmond. Why? Because it's the capital of the South? No, the South rules. Because it's further away? Nobody cares about things like distance or time. It just boils down to laziness, people. We've been too lazy to give Richmond a chance. Those days are over.

On the way to Richmond or anywhere chances are you're going to want to stop and Dunkin' Donuts. This particular one that we went to not only didn't have any donuts, it didn't let us tip its employees:


Damn shame. Sorry, Quantico-area Dunkin' Donuts employees.

Anyway. You know when you have an idea in your head of what a place will be and then it doesn't live up to that mental picture? Richmond is not that place. Richmond is exactly like I thought it would be. Or at least the hotel was:



When the hotel calls for it, sometimes a murder has to happen. Plus, Joe is super accident-prone so it's easy to call it an accident.


Right across the street was this CBS Station which says it's the South's First Television Station. Which it probably is. But none of the lights in the sign work.


Then we went to dinner at a surprisingly good seafood restaurant where Ana ate a fish like Heathcliff the Cat:


Later, it got scary cuz it turns out Katie is a zombie changeling


and we just had to act like everything was normal


Also in Richmond it is compulsory to smoke cigarettes.


Also this is where this one girl started following us around.


I mean this is the next day and she's wearing the same clothes. You'd think she'd have the decency to change.


Travel Tip: If you're ever in Richmond and you need some flour or a notion, you know where to go:


This car had three kegs of beer in the back.


Before the zombie Katie got tattooed we went to the cemetery because Joe says there are some great names there. P. Lightfoot Wormeley says he is right:


As do Mary B. Strange and B. Gay Strange.


The only problem for me was that I found out that I'm dead.



Get a load of these two drunks dancing outside the bar! Omg. The girl had barfed inside earlier.