Grab Bag

Forgot to post the most boring ride at the Montgomery County Fair:

And also Bigfoot, who "won" the Monster Truck Rally, which is disappointing because it involves absolutely no head-to-head action, simul-jumping, or destruction of the weaker Monster Trucks. It's just each one going after the other.

Here is me smoking a cigar in Key West. It's amazing what being an adult male at a wedding will make one do.

COME ON PEOPLE LOOK AT THIS TATTOO IT IS BOB MARLEY MORPHING INTO A LION

Hello, my name is Mikey and I'm 7 1/2 feet tall and I'm a zombie.

Ed Hardy now produces and sells chardonnay for $9.99 a bottle.

And last but not least, some place we went to in Key West had a VHS copy of Cocktail displayed prominently behind the bar. Our bartender was unsurprisingly practicing some pretty sweet flair in his downtime.

Florida: Pretty Much Just For Bragging and Tacos

So Florida was okay.

As I get older, I realize the great joy one can derive from making one's peers feel worse about having to go about their day-to-day lives while you go on vacation. Pictures like this make that so much easier.

But enough of that. We visited Ana's sister in Tampa, where we got to hang out with nephew Mikey

We went to the local science museum, which basically consisted of gross-out interactive exhibits. In short, awesome. Look at arm hair when magnified! Gross!

Look at what I'll look like at 70!

Look at Ana's height! Can't fake that! It's digital!

Finally, we met up with Jenny at a taco place. Here she is after obviously saying something hurtful.

In fact, Jenny's chastisement for my lack of posting lately is pretty much the only reason I posted this today. One day I'll get the stupid iMac fixed so I don't have to use this tiny computer with its terrible graphics program. You'll see.

I Always Knew My Distaste for X-Men Would Come Back To Haunt Me (+Klay?)

So we went to Maryland somewhere yesterday (to get there: Take a right on New Hampshire Ave and keep going forever) to hang out with Ana's sister and her two boys. Here's the one, who opened the afternoon with a little quiz for yours truly:

Outside, afternoon.

Me: Hi

Kid: Hi what are you doing here

Me: I'm here with your Aunt to hang out with your mom.

Kid: Ok. Do you like X-Men?

Me: (LYING) Sure

Kid runs to get some action figures, brings them back.

Kid: What's your name?

Me: Scott

Kid: Ok you'll be Scott (holds up the super-lame X-Man with the laser eyes or whatever).

Me: (BUMMED) Ok

Kid holds up a blue X-Man.

Kid: This is Beast.

Me: Yeah

Kid holds up another X-Man.

Kid: Who is this?

Me: (Immediately pissed that the kid has sensed my lack of knowledge about and general dislike for his favorite things ever) Uh, I dunno.

Kid: (Disgusted) Ugh. CoLOssus.

I walk over to Ana and her sister and sit down.

Scene.


The thing about me and certain things, like the X-Men and the Princess Bride, is that I don't like them. For no reason, really, other than that I decided not to like them somewhere along the way. The X-Men, I figure, is basically just Harry Potter with adults; I don't like Harry Potter, so ipso facto etcetera ergo proctor hoc I don't like X-Men.

Which isn't a big deal until a kid challenges you on it and you lose.


You know who didn't quiz me about kid stuff? This one, who is basically a painting by a Dutch Master.


Bonus: Cat pouting under a stool


and three adult males wearing Mickey Mouse shirts.

What if Michelle Obama Was My Girlfriend (Hugging Edition)

M! Long time no see, girl. Where you been at? What's that? You been hugging kids? Shoot girl, why does that not surprise me. It's like you were made for hugging.

Child Cooking Proves Something About Portland, + Sorry Arlington!

From a 5-year-old's Portland public access cooking show.

Also, for those of you who either thought you would be driving (or biking!) from Arlington to the Inauguration--or anything--in DC on Jan. 20, tough luck! Better hire a limo.

Nephew Video: Incredible Hi-Five, Nose Pick PLUS!

BONUSBONUSBONUS Text convo with Dana Senior yesterday:

Dana: Maybe I just saw Paris Hilton

Me: ¿Qué?!

Dana: At taping of Letterman. Girl is HOMELY

Me: LOLZ 4 REAL

Deffo Presents: Vacation Videoz

Everybody that I've seen since we got back from San Francisco has been all dude, please, where are the videos? Please, something! Maybe of small children we don't know? Well, wait no longer, everybody. Here's a sampling:

1. Ana says "Hey! Take a picture of me jumping from this bed to that bed!" I take video instead. Good decision.



2. Shopping at Target for Ana's 3-year old nephew when I stumble on a cache of Frogz, which are animatronic frogs that sing popular music. I bought this one. After giving it to the nephew, he kissed it on the forehead. Kid recognizes a good thing when he sees it.



3. Ana acts like she's taking my picture and instead attacks my face with the camera. Payback.



4. Possibly the best video of all time: Nephew spinning.