Friday Product Time!

I don't have a car but I am buying this.

Best Email Ever

Preface: My sister and I were obsessed with the movie The Natural when we were kids. Whatever, we were wholesome.

----- Original Message ----
From: Deffo Sister
To: Deffo
Sent: Monday, May 19, 2008 8:12:50 PM
Subject: ten surprises upon re-watching The Natural for, like, the 500th time

1. This was my first time to see the movie in about a decade. Last year, they did a "director's cut" of the movie. (Was there really a demand for a director's cut? Were the people really crying out?...) They added 20 new minutes of film. But they tightened up the overall film so the movie was only 6 minutes longer.
2. The director's cut is good. The movie actually feels like it moves along better. They go into the story of Roy Hobbs' origins a little more. The opening scenes aren't so choppy. His character has a lot more nuance.
3. Robert Redford apparently modeled his swing after Mickey Mantle's. He looks so much like a real ball player that it kind of sucks to realize he's just an ACTOR!
4. I may be slightly obsessed with this movie. Sorry.
5. I'm surprised by how well this movie has held up after 24 (!) years. You know what's going to happen, and you know the soundtrack is totally over-the-top romantic American Randy Newman stuff, but it still is kind of great to watch.
6. Gus was a PIMP! (Gus is the creepy bookie with the cyclops eye.) He kept Memo Paris on a string and bought her fancy furs and jewelry in return! So that's what that was all about!
7. Kim Basinger as Memo Paris. MEMO PARIS! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF NAME IS THIS. I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION.
8. I didn't realize that Richard Farnsworth's character's full name was "Red Blow." Red Blow! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF NAME IS THIS, etc. etc.
9. One of the parts they tightened up was our beloved "Well, what about you there, Huckleberry? [beat] Scared?" Now it's "Well,whataboutyouthere,Huckleberry,scared?" As you might have guessed, I rent my garments in twain and dumped ashes on my head over this tragic edit.
10. Kim Basinger, Glenn Close, Robert Redford, Robert Duvall, Barbara Hershey and Richard Farnsworth in one movie = TOTALLY WICKED-GOOD CAST.

Anyhow. How's tricks, cookie?
-c.

I'll bet that "Red Blow" is an oldfashioned term for cocaine.

Also, I say, don't forget Michael Madsen ("Bump" Bailey--lots of cocaine references in this wholesome movie) and Wilford Brimley! The cast just keeps on giving.

For your enjoyment, I offer this clip from the movie (which same sister texted to me the other day), where the batboy asks Roy Hobbs if he can help him make a superbat.

Revisión del Concierto: Las Llaves del Negro

DC has a particular concert culture. People who have no interest in going to shows buy up dozens of tickets when they go on sale in order to scalp them at huge markups. This leads to the second thing, which is that the concerts are full of boring people who talk incessantly and barely look like they're enjoying the thing they paid $125 to see.

So I love things like last night, when I looked on Craigslist at about 5pm and saw that the price of the night's Black Keys concert had dropped to below face value.

The show was good, and they played "Strange Times" which was nice to hear before the jukebox at work kills it for me forever. Which it will. Just like Johnny Cash and Gnarls Barkley. I'd say Regina Spektor too, but she was dead to me before the jukebox entered the equation. Play "Fidelity" while I'm on the clock and you're losing your money, people. Sorries. That song can suck it.

Back to the review. Please reference the diagram:

1. Drummer

2. Guitarist

3. This group of dudes in their mid-thirties or early forties, one of whom was wearing a "Do the Roo" shirt.

I'll only expand on number three, because reviews of one and two can be found in lots of places, but reviews of number three cannot. This group of dudes was happy to be there. So much so that they were making awesome hand gestures at particular points in the show. Say there's a really good riff in a song; in that case, at least two of the dudes will throw up their hands like so:



In the case of a sweet drumline, hands would again be thrown. But like this:

At first glance this group of dudes appeared to be lame. But eventually we decided that we all wanted to party with them in Loudon County which is the only possible place these dudes were from.

A funny thing about this show is that everybody there got drunk at exactly the same time. It was about 10:45. People started falling into me on their way to the bar. This dude especially though--he almost knocked me over and then stood right in front of me. So I took a picture of his bald spot, natch.




Come to Teebz' going-away party if you know him. We'll be taking the old West Virginia-Louisville-Memphis-New Orleans-Austin route.


I just clicked on the "Blogs" tab on MySpace and found the two most amazing blogs in the world. The first is called "I Believe in God" and is full of capital letters and great renaissance-related religious artwork. In the words of its author, it is dedicated wholly to finding "how many people we can reach in MySpace that believes in God." Yes.

But that's not all! The next one discusses how God exists. BECAUSE OF SCIENCE.

Wednesdaze

Yesterday was a good day. First, it was the last day of our lease at the old house, which means that we won't have to ever see our spaz landlord again. We had to get the last few big things out, including the couch, which has been in the living room since well before I moved in three years ago. The couch, unsurprisingly, had become gross and had become the object of a considerable amount of subconscious hatred. It served its purpose, sure, but thank god it's dead now.


We took it and a bunch of other crap to the dump, which is my new favorite place. I highly recommend it.


What does one do after throwing a bunch of shit into an enormous pile of trash? One prepares to go to Minibar, the six-seat restaurant that serves a couple dozen one- or two-bite courses. I've been wanting to go for a long time and our friend who works there finally got us a reservation.

I hadn't eaten all day so I thought it would be smart to eat a little bit beforehand just in case. I call this "Ham with Pickles and Sriracha served with Coors Original."


One of the first courses was a tiny bit of salted olive oil encased in a clear candy shell.


I'm not even going to review these things because it's impossible and I'm no food writer. But I will say that the Sea Urchin with Hibiscus foam was like getting hit in the face by the ocean.


I think my favorite was the steamed bun with caviar and lemon foam. I could've eaten one as big as my face.

The tiny Caesar salad was awesome.

As was the Philly Cheesesteak

And the corn on the cob


And the sangria slushy


But easily the coolest looking dish was this one, which is little gelatin balls filled with the flavors of bagels and lox.


Candies.

New, Updated Best Picture Ever

Pedro Enjoys a Beer

DEFFOVERSARY PHLOGIVERSARY CLIP PHLOG OMG PLUS CONSUMER WATCH 2000 PLUS BEST GIFT EVER

On this day one year ago, we experienced the DC judicial system from within, which somehow prompted me to begin phlogging. A year later, and how far we've come! I've phlogged about things 147 times. That's once every two and a half days!

Mostly it has had to do with cats, but also other things sometimes.

What do I have for you lo on this wondrous phlogiversary? A quick look into the nefarious innerworkings of corporate America!

See, a couple weeks ago I needed a suit, so I went to Bloomingdale's. Natch. They had a sale. Bernard (my fashion consultant) hooked it up

(Ana is her own fashion consultant) and even persuaded me to open up a Bloomingdale's account.


Not only an insider, people. PREMIER INSIDER. I saved $47.

I'm pretty sure the only other store credit card I've ever had was for Structure, which I opened with the purchase of a pair of cargo pants and never paid.

But anyway. I received my card in the mail last week, but it wasn't accompanied by a bill or a billing address, or my balance. So I went online to pay it off today (I'm pretty sure the APR is somewhere around 47%), and after a thorough search of "Bloomies" (premier insider jargon) online, I realized that it is impossible to pay one's Bloomingdale card balance on the internet.

I then called customer service, which told me that I could pay my balance at any Bloomingdale's store. That seemed like a hassle, so I asked if I could pay over the phone. Sure, they said, but it's going to require a $10 processing fee. Those damned corporations! Geniuses! I paid the $10.

Thus concludes my consumer lesson for 2008.

BONUSBONUSBONUS I forgot to include a picture of Ana's secret santa gift from Abe a couple weeks ago, so here it is: The Best Present Ever:

Now, I know you can't read it, so here's the transcription:

ANYONE FUCKS WITH ANA
GETS HACKED UP AND SEALED
IN A 55 GALLON DRUM

I particularly like the specific nature of the threat.

Update: Best Tattoo Ever, Plus Bizarro LA

Yesterday, while enjoying a special Valentine's Day edition of Big Buck Hunter Pro, a young man walked in, camped at the jukebox, and unveiled this particularly unbelievable piece of body art:

I asked him if I could take a picture; he said yes, and then played "Suspicious Minds."

BONUSBONUSBONUS In Los Angeles I saw this weird, non-blue ribbony "Pabst Genuine Draft." WTF, people.

I Will Make it My Beezwax to Be There

BREAKING semi-possible NEWS:

DAVID WAIN IN TALKS TO PRODUCE "WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER: THE MUSICAL"

OMGZ.

thanks, Lindsayism!

Every Time I Think I've Found the Purpose of The Internet,

Something else comes along and proves that I'm way off base. Like a live-action re-enactment of Garfield comic strips, followed by music montages.


Thanques, Sistr!