New, Unexciting Information Plus Annotated Bracket

We're moving seven blocks north and two blocks east. That's like 50 miles, which means: new bodega (you will be missed, Best DC Supermarket), new grocery store ($20 for a sandwich, chips and drink at Whole Foods: you will not be missed), and new late-night haunts. See:

Destination: Whole Foods Current Distance .7 mi New Distance 1.1 mi Verdict Likely will lose except for in cases of meat and produce.

Destination: Giant Current Distance 1.3 mi New Distance .6 mi Verdict Giant wins: see prev.

Destination: Work Current Distance 1.1 mi New Distance 1.8 mi Verdict Must leave house 7 minutes earlier.

Destination: Black Cat Current Distance .2 mi New Distance 1.1 mi Verdict It's still the Black Cat. Stumbling home will include large hill, which is a bummer.

Destination: Pharmacy Bar/Bourbon Current Distance 1.1 mi New Distance 1.3 mi Verdict Push: still worth rolling up at 1am on Sunday.

Destination: Chinatown Current Distance 2.4mi New Distance 2.6mi Verdict Can avoid Tuesday through Saturday at same frequency as before.

Destination: Pho Current Distance 3.6 mi New Distance 4.3 mi Verdict It's Pho. As if.

Destination: Zipcars Current Distance 7 within 1 block New Distance 4 within 1 block Verdict Must reserve early in order to get Pho.

All in all, it becomes apparent that moving 9 blocks away means that things are approximately 9 blocks further away than they used to be.

The Post has started a new tradition of having Tony Kornheiser submit his NCAA tournament bracket with funny notes on it. Here's my copycat version (follow it here), which is 7-1 so far:

Apartment Overkill Plus New Sweet Ink

You'll forgive me if I go overboard on the whole new apartment thing. I will give you a quick rundown of my living spaces since leaving my parents' house at 18 as justification:

1996: Dorm room, 9'x14', shared with redneck chainsmoker. Upside: my parents don't live there. Downside: demerits if a girl is there past 11pm. Not that my game was capable of making that happen at that point.

1997: Dorm room, 7'x14', most of which was comprised of bicycles and computers. Upside: no redneck chainsmoker. Downside: 2 sq ft of unused space.

1998: Apartment, downtown Rome, GA. Upside: First and nicest apartment of my life. Downside: the walls were really just partitions so anyone in the apartment could hear when anybody else was doing it, and then it got condemned

1999: Lived on friend's floor with girlfriend cuz I didn't have a place. Upside: the floor was carpeted. Downside: it was the floor

1999: Massive apartment complex. Upside: wall-to-wall carpeting. Downside: wall-to-wall carpeting.

2000: "House"= back end of house with two living rooms, a laundry room and zero bedrooms. Upside: $370 a month. Downside: holes in floor, possible dead babies in crawlspace.

2001: 400 sq ft apartment in downtown Salt Lake City. Upside: centrally located. Downside: downtown Salt Lake City.

2002: Cabin in Athens, GA. Upside: rustic. Downside: Cabins don't have air conditioning.

2002: 1 br in downtown Washington, DC. Upside: not a bad size. Downside: physically impossible for natural light to enter.

2005: Basement of current house. Upside: can see sky from window. Downside: creeping mold entering from center of room.

And that brings us current. Now it's bragtime USA:












I've never been one for memorial tattoos, or even tattoos that mean anything whatsoever, but when my Grandma died I knew I wanted to get something. So I got a lamp.



So Patrick blogviewed my phlog:


and then Murph Murphviewed Patrick's blogview. This shit just got meta, people.

Moving Timez and Squirrlz and Boring Citiez!

I've been living in what my former roommates affectionately called "The Hole" for nearly three years now. That time is almost over. Our lease is up at the end of April, and we're moving up and beyond into the ether of not having roommates. This, people have told us, is what people in their 30s do. Seems extravagant, I know, but one must follow the status quo.

The first apartment we looked at was meh, what with the carpeting and ugly kitchen. But then today we saw this beautiful thing, with a front porch and windows that open!


And not to mention a view of something other than a port-o-potty.


Let's all hold our collective noses until Mr. Landlord says that he wants us for sure.


BONUSBONUSBONUS SQUIRREL EATING PIZZA


SUPERBONUSDEFFOREVIEW The Washington Post ("WaPo") travel section this weekend tried to prove that Salt Lake City does indeed have a nightlife, regardless of what the naysayers naysay. Nice lede, WaPo!

What is so "lively," you ask? Well, it seems that "Jersey Sports Grill" is. Only the appetizers they ordered never came. So is "Zanzibar," except for the fact that the cocktails were gross. And finally, "Port O'Call," a place that had lots of people in line.

I lived in Salt Lake City for a year. In fact, I lived in Salt Lake City for the year when the Olympics were there, which is probably the best possible year for somebody who wants to not be bored in Utah. I bartended in Salt Lake City at a pool hall called "Ya' Buts," formerly called "Spanky's," which was formerly an adult theater. It is now a parking lot. RIP, Ya' Buts. You gave me $35 in income every Monday night, give or take.


Guess what I did for fun in Salt Lake City? I went to Nevada and gambled. The only thing good about Salt Lake City, people, is the meth. Believe it.