Almost A Car Owner + Bar Preview + Pictures

Yesterday lasted a long time. First, we test drove this, loved it, put down a deposit, will pick it up on Friday. Be prepared for pictures of driving it to Ocean City on whims in the coming months.

Next we went by to visit Teenerz, who is painting the soon-to-be-open H St. Country Club, where I took some unsolicited pictures.

This is the main floor bar:


Which includes the "locker room":


Upstairs is the putt-putt, with this gem of a loopty-loop which will likely result in multiple broken windows:


Get out of town with this rat tidal wave


and my personal favorite, the booted stretch limo horse


Lee Wheeler is responsible for all this, and he is slowly losing his mind but in the most entertaining manner.


Then we went to the Pug and hung out with two old dudes, drank whiskey and quality American beer.


Finally, Black Cat, where Tariq got all creepy-like.

Remainders

Check it out: Teenerz and DTown back in the hiz (house):


Really the only reason to buy a big TV is for this. And by this, I don't even mean Adult Swim; I mean Venture Brothers.


Finally, I thought I should post a brief clip from Nahem's self-planned roast last month. I'm not positive, but I'm guessing there's some NSFWish stuff in the clip, with various racial/sexual/disability-related jokes involved.

BTW, should you ever find yourself as a 20-something who is in no way related to showbizness, and you are not retiring, be prepared for your roast to be a very uncomfortable event.

Teebz' Poloroid Adventure Plus Coming Attractions!

Teebz took some sweet 'roids this week. Remember cursive?





Get ready for three (3) things: Teenerz is in town; weekend trip to Cleveland (does/does not rock?); my first installment of Fantasy Football: Fantasy This! explications.

Los Angelesing +

There are certain things one does when traveling to certain cities. In LA, it is getting off the plane, getting in the car, and driving directly to Roscoe's House of Chicken & Waffles.


Then we went to see Teeners and Devin. Saturday afternoon we took a drive up Mulholland and took in the scenery.


Turns out Ana has a thing about standing on cliffs. HAHA LOSER


Last time, we decided that the apartment complex they live in is Melrose Place. This time, however, we realized that it's actually Daniel and Lucille Larusso's apartment from Karate Kid, only with water in the pool. See?

Karate Kid apartment:


Teeners and Devin Apartment:


The only difference is that that fairweather friend Freddy Fernandez doesn't live there. Thanks for backing me up when Johnny beat the shit out of me in front of everybody, Freddy! Enjoy not being in a single scene for the rest of the movie!

The next day we met up with my family before the funeral, and my mom gave me what is likely the best picture ever taken of anyone. Please note my vicious belly, defiant look and my grandma's resulting amusement:


That night, Ana and I toasted to grandma's memory by enjoying a handful of 7&7s--her favorite--at the hotel bar. Hotel bars rule.


After the ceremony we decided to drive down to Newport Beach, where I spend a lot of time as a kid. I asked my mom how to get there (about 30 miles from where we were staying) and she drove me this map:


If you can't tell, it basically says "drive to the coast and take a left." My mom is amazing. But I did get to see my mom's parents' little bungalow for the first time in twenty years:


It's a one-bedroom house and it's probably worth $52,000,000 now.

I had two things I wanted to do in Newport: one, take the ferry across to Balboa Island, which was probably my favorite thing to do as a kid.


Check. Verdict: the ferry lasted all of thirty seconds. But still awesome. Also, either Keri loves the band U2, or she loves me as well.

The second thing I wanted to do was to recreate the picture of me as a kid devouring a chocolate-covered banana. Bam:

Verdict: delicious.

Other delicious things: Winchell's donuts. Particularly chocolate-covered devil's food cake Winchell's donuts. Mom got us a couple for the drive.


Then we got on the plane, looking forward to another delicious red eye. Every time it seems like a good idea when booking the tickets, and a horrible one when we arrive home with two hours before work. But whatevs.


BONUSBONUSBONUS Last week was a bad week for people I knew who were old. Archie, who had been my work's exclusive cabbie for years, passed on Wednesday. He was a great old guy who had become an honorary member of our staff and a friend. We went to his memorial service today:

Archie was a musician, and when he was a younger man he toured with the Ike and Tina Turner Review and opened for Otis Redding before becoming a house guitarist and singer in DC for more than twenty years. He performed under the stage name Art Falls. If you've the gumption, download his song called "I Want You Baby."

West Coast Bound. Plus, the End of America

After work tonight, Ana and I are getting on a plane to head to my grandma's funeral in LA. Leave it to the best grandma in the world to give us a break from DC winter, and also a chance to see Martina for a couple days.


In other sad news, Poloroid is ceasing to exist. Real Poloroid, that is.

BONUSBONUSBONUS Grandma at 20:

Xmas Miraxles

When booking flights, it always seems like the best idea to leave early and come back late, so as to maximize the amount of vacation time. In practice, though, it's probably the worst idea ever. Working all night before having to catch a 6am flight is brutal. Especially now that I'm old. The wrinkles on my forehead? Not even a month old.


Luckily, the hotel we checked into when I got to town was underwater. Granted, the dolphins were really small, but it's great for the complexion to sleep completely submerged.


Murals are really big in San Francisco. You can't see, but at the far left there is a depiction of Jerry Garcia walking into the ether. This place is on Haight Street. Self-consciousness apparently hasn't made its way over there yet.

I was going to concoct an entire narrative for the trip, including fake events and people, but I have to be at work in an hour so that idea will have to wait. In its place are real events and people like Ana and her little brother at the corner store that sells pre-packaged cocktail-making kits for those who need a little help:


Then there's her nephew, who likes to spin around and act like a Power Ranger. Here he is utilizing his patented stay-awake method:


Ana and I had a very special vacation staring contest, which I won.


Then she posed for possibly the best portrait ever taken:


Next are two montages. First, Ana with brother and sister doing some dancing and posing:


Next is Clarissa with Ana at dinner (for those in the Bay area the restaurant is Weird Fish on Mission. Delicious). They move alot when they talk.


I bought an animatronic frog for the nephew's Christmas present. The box included some amazing slogans:


Ana learned to shapeshift:

Then we ate steak:


There was this cat that hangs out at the corner store and looked at me funny, so I gave it the what-for:


So all in all it was a pretty good holiday, obvs.


BONUSBONUSBONUS

Teeners is back!


Also, what is wrong with celebrities and why can't they laugh like regular people? Is stuff really that funny to them?