Early Midlife Crisis

I got up today and for some reason decided that I want an old Camaro. Not the kind that are all shiny and restored--no, I want the kind that I can afford. Which is beat up. And AWESOME



Actually, $5k is not my price range at all. Discussion with TBs:

TBs: Get the 74 Camaro just for the redone upholstery and the motor has less than 200 miles...no brainer

Me: I so want it

TBs: BURNOUT CITY!!! I know of some great parking lots for donuts

Me: If I had 5k cash I'd buy it today and we'd go donutting

TBs: We could throw a "Scott needs a rad donut car" fund raising party at bourbon

Me: Ur the problem solver

TBs: I'm breaking out my OP shorts and my Krokus muscle tee

Me: Thing is this will prob happen this summer

TBs: Summer time donut time!!! Tall boy buds! What pool r we picking up chicks at

Me: ALL OF THEM

Birthday Photo Dump

Birthday started off right, when my Black Friday off-brand TV showed up early. It works! And it's flat.



Also Senior showed up in time to get some pho.


Ana took me to fancy dinner, so I wore my Sunday clothes.


Then we met up with friends, and Patso had worked his magic again:


And Riff Raff was there. She says I always take creepy pictures of us, which I disagree with but tried to take one anyway:

What if I Enjoy Watching TV, Kanye? Huh? What About That?

Palindrome of 24 Hours in New York = Kroy Wen ni Sruoh 42 fo Emordnilap

For Ana's birthday we went to New York, but you already know that. We took the TRAIN. That's what people did in the old days.


Like any trip, the whole purpose is to eat. First stop: Cafe Habana. Sandwich was so good that Ana took a bite even though there was a mayonnaise-like substance on it.


The best part, though, was that this guy


was there, dressed like he meant it. He seemed to be channeling Noah Taylor's character in Almost Famous. It's groups of people like this (cf. the girl on the left) that I see in New York that make me sad.

Anyways. After that we shopped or something in order to kill time before eating again, this time at Prune, which Ana's wanted to go to since she was born. And it wasn't even open then.


Up front: Prune might be the best restaurant in the world, ever. If food bores you, scroll down for depressing pictures of Coney Island.

First: radishes with butter and salt. If you gave me this dish when I was 12, I would've smacked you in the face and not apologized. Now, I order it of my own free will. It's good.


Next: kale with soft eggs in a Parmesan butter sauce. EGGS FOR DINNER, PEOPLE. This lady is breaking all the rules. Again, me at twelve would give you a punch in the nose if you set this in front of me, and again, it's good.

Next: stewed pork shoulder with salsa verde. It's served in big chunks with a spoon and it falls apart with the slightest pressure. Pork shoulder sounds like it would be stringy, but pigs are fat and their shoulders wonderfully tender.


Next: soupy rice with lobster and squid. It's a little thing, but this restaurant is good at words too. Putting "soupy rice" before "lobster" is probably some sort of unforgivable menu sin, but it's the right description and it sounds gross to you then you probably shouldn't have it anyway.



You totally got eaten. That's all the food for now.

The meal was so good that Ana left her wallet at the restaurant. Sad Ana:


But the people there are nice and found it for her. Happy Ana:

What do you do after a flawless meal? Go to the dirtiest bar in the world and take a picture of the bathroom, natch.


Coney Island is going to be blown up and sunk into the Atlantic Ocean next month, so we decided to go visit even though the Sideshows by the Seashore and Astroland are all boarded up.


Thank god this guy is keeping an eye on stuff.


Wait, this doesn't look very depressing! That ferris wheel looks fully operational. There aren't any stray dogs, even!


Ok, this'll do. Close-ups of chainlink fence are impossible to make undepressing.


Anything, however, can be made undepressing by a corndog.


Totonno's, you have chosen your fate: Shenanigan's can tell you about it.


Fact: Russians have the ability to move anywhere and Gulagify a place. Look! They sell DVDs and Videos at this jail, but they call it BNAEO NPOKAT. Weird.


BONUSBONUSBONUS: Ana on Law & Order

CHUNG CHUNG

Cookout, Darkest Hour, Ocean City Reduxed

In this omnibus edition of DeffoTotes!, you will find:

1) That sailor hats make people look either awesome or scary, depending on the situation;
2) Things are not always as they seem;
3) Old people don't always act old; and
4) The beach escaped certain death.

So let's get started! On Sunday we had a barbecue before the Darkest Hour concert. T-Bone (pictured) read somewhere that rock stars wear sailor hats, so he wore his to fit in. It totally worked:


We have started a new tradition at our barbecues, wherein vegetarians eat meat. It's amazing! Look!


Darkest Hour rulz, people.


Thing learned: kids do this thing now where they jump off the stage INTO THE CROWD, which catches them.


Later on, we learn how menacing sailors can be! The menacingness is made less so by the creepy hovering dude in the background, but it's menacing nonetheless.


Then we go back to Ocean City, where we took our chances a few months ago and got burned. NEVER AGAIN.


We stayed with Chaz, our friend/manchild who is turning into a beach bum.


Funcade Casino: you were on notice, and you got lucky.



Shenanigans: Ditto.


Shirt with half-naked lady posing alongside wolf: no problem.


Chaz making straw-sword to fight with 8-year-old at the next table while at dinner: good idea.


Heading to the bar after taking photobooth pictures: the best part of the beach.

Photo Essay #12c: 72 Hours of Woot! Ca$h Money!, Final.

Then after dinner it's time to pay respects to venerable Vegas institution (HA HA THAT'S AN OXYMORON ISN'T IT HAHAHA) the Frontier, which is going to be blown up by Israelis very soon. The Frontier really is a great old place, though, full of old slot machines and Casino workers like ones in 80s movies.


Naturally, we sat down to play the horses. The mechanical horses, that is. The chances of winning are the same, but you don't have to worry about the ethical problems associated with real horse racing, because these horses are pieces of plastic. Really, I'm just assuming that there are ethical problems associated with real horse racing because I couldn't really say what they are.


Not sure if Derby is really the name or not, because the machine was being all snarky about it.


Then at 2am you all decide that it's a good idea to learn how to play craps. Why not? We're in Vegas! What happens here is learned for life! Then five hours pass and Steve has lots of money that he didn't have before, so it's time to take a shot of tequila.


Son of gun! There are different times of day outside!


I can't wait to be at work in 3 hours!

Photo Essay #12a: 72 Hours of OMG, This Rules Pt. 1

Itinerary:

5:00am Get off work
5:00am Get in cab
6:30am Get on plane: What do you do on your 72 hour jaunt to Vegas/LA? You upgrade, y'all. Fine imitation leather. Free 8am cocktails. SEMI-PRIVATE BATHROOM.

11:00am Arrive in Vegas
11:30am Get in car, stop for refreshments: This is what America is about. German-engineered droptops, Mexican-bottled soda pop.


While we're here, let's gamble that dollar that Joe asked us to gamble. This machine will pay him $10,000, it seems:

Nope, lost.

5:00pm Arrive in LA. Drive to what they call "The Valley" to meet Martina at her cousin's house. You may remember it from Clueless, when Cher laments having to drive there. Everyone in the valley must have a jacuzzi, just like this one:


X:00a/pm: Eat In-N-Out Burger.


7:00pm: Arrive in North Hollywood at Martina's apartment. She lives in Melrose Place.


9:00pm: Convene first-ever meeting of Beta Happa Westilon, the Big Hunt West Coast Alumni Association.

Party.

Mon, 11:00am: Visit Hollywood Boulevard to pay tribute to your (and presumably everyone's) inspiration: the incomparable star of Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Ms. Angela Lansbury.


6:00pm: Get back in car to make way back to Vegas.


11:00pm: Arrive in Vegas, Check in at hotel. Those in the know call it the "Flamin, O."

TBC, people.