Since Joe shares a birthday with our Lord and Savior, we generally wait until after the holidays to observe it once everything is digested. This year, it was LaserTag in Virginia, somewhere.
Check it out: Teenerz and DTown back in the hiz (house):
Really the only reason to buy a big TV is for this. And by this, I don't even mean Adult Swim; I mean Venture Brothers.
Finally, I thought I should post a brief clip from Nahem's self-planned roast last month. I'm not positive, but I'm guessing there's some NSFWish stuff in the clip, with various racial/sexual/disability-related jokes involved.
BTW, should you ever find yourself as a 20-something who is in no way related to showbizness, and you are not retiring, be prepared for your roast to be a very uncomfortable event.
Today is Ana's 30th birthday, which means that we had soup already and are soon going to stuff our torsos full of greek food for a few hours.
In the meantime, do yourself a favor and please enjoy this video, which my sister passed along as "the #1 best video the world has ever seen" and is most likely right. Unfortch the Way International pulled the video from YouTube, so I can't embed it here; please don't let this stop you from watching what can be best described as Trio Sings Inspirational Song Set In Faux German Village With Suspect Choreography While Drummer is Relegated to Flower Bed.
And a dog. The dog was bummed because he had to sit in the back.
People have lots of opinions about West Virginia. Two of them are right. 1) It is beautiful
And 2) terrifying. This is an abandoned gas station with an abandoned semi on blocks. If we had seen this at night I would likely have been murdered.
Before going to the Tri-State Dog Track and Slot Emporium, we had Arby's.
In Kentucky, the sandwich shop was selling Pickle Pops, with aren't pops at all but rather plastic ramekins filled with frozen pickle juice. We bought two and they were not refreshing.
You know what is refreshing? Buying 9 bottles of bourbon.
And then the proprietor gives you two pints of your favorite "for the road." Now that's a responsible liquor purveyor!
Soon after that we see Dinosaur World, which is impossible to not stop at.
Next door to Dinosaur World, of course, is a fireworks store where Teebz buys lots of illegal mortars and the like.
There are lots of videos of us shooting them off, but I'll just give you the one for now. (Hint: If you don't have the sound on it's going to be even more boring than it is already.)
Then we walked down the road acting all innocent and around the corner we find this big jail which explains why there were cops everywhere.
The next day we went to Graceland. I have sworn to recreate the TV room when I get the money. No fake. The bar is yellow vinyl.
Then in a Mississippi rest stop: the first of two great bathroom photos:
The cup says "SOAP please do not dump out the dispenser is broke"
New Orleans on a random Tuesday night: hot as hell and people trying to act like it's Mardi Gras. Bummer. Recommendation: find 24-hour bar playing Death Wish 3. Take a picture of its bathroom.
In Austin, it was time for Roadtoo. Specifically, bald eagle carrying booze and fireworks.
After staying in Motel 6es for four nights, we noticed that the skier/boxer on the comforter has an arm that looks suspiciously like a red rocket. I'm guessing that life as a designer for Motel 6 bedspreads yields little excitement.
We've been to Baltimore a million times in the past couple years, but never Richmond. Why? Because it's the capital of the South? No, the South rules. Because it's further away? Nobody cares about things like distance or time. It just boils down to laziness, people. We've been too lazy to give Richmond a chance. Those days are over.
On the way to Richmond or anywhere chances are you're going to want to stop and Dunkin' Donuts. This particular one that we went to not only didn't have any donuts, it didn't let us tip its employees:
Anyway. You know when you have an idea in your head of what a place will be and then it doesn't live up to that mental picture? Richmond is not that place. Richmond is exactly like I thought it would be. Or at least the hotel was:
When the hotel calls for it, sometimes a murder has to happen. Plus, Joe is super accident-prone so it's easy to call it an accident.
Right across the street was this CBS Station which says it's the South's First Television Station. Which it probably is. But none of the lights in the sign work.
Later, it got scary cuz it turns out Katie is a zombie changeling
and we just had to act like everything was normal
Also in Richmond it is compulsory to smoke cigarettes.
Also this is where this one girl started following us around.
I mean this is the next day and she's wearing the same clothes. You'd think she'd have the decency to change.
Travel Tip: If you're ever in Richmond and you need some flour or a notion, you know where to go:
This car had three kegs of beer in the back.
Before the zombie Katie got tattooed we went to the cemetery because Joe says there are some great names there. P. Lightfoot Wormeley says he is right:
As do Mary B. Strange and B. Gay Strange.
The only problem for me was that I found out that I'm dead.
Get a load of these two drunks dancing outside the bar! Omg. The girl had barfed inside earlier.
Wednesday was full of driving to Philadelphia to see Tim and Eric: Awesome Show: The Live Show at some bar with Evan and Dana. When four nerds drive somewhere to see a show performed by nerds, the only real way to do it is in a shared hybrid vehicle.
I wish you could see the overwhelming nerddom that filled the place while we waited in line, but it would've taken some sort of special camera, while all I had was my phone. So here's me.
Also, this is true:
The show was pretty good, even though it was like watching an episode of the Wiggles with a bunch of seven year olds. I swear to god it was like the nerds had Tim and Eric-brand Tourettes. Non sequitur quotes from the show were shouted at almost every quiet moment.
Here is when they first came out in these really gross naked costumes with enormous balls.
Later we went to Waffle House because it was there. Shocking: waitress was clearly speeding and fucked up every order. Not Shocking: it was still delicious.
The video below is enough justification for the show. It's perfect.
