Seriously, people, you need to get interested in the Cognoscente. Jeff G. is the best thing to happen to the internet since yesterday. Come on! He has been to FIVE CONTINENTS!
So it is only natural that our birthday card to Patso would pinch his style:
Since Joe shares a birthday with our Lord and Savior, we generally wait until after the holidays to observe it once everything is digested. This year, it was LaserTag in Virginia, somewhere.
Joe somehow finds a dragon/medieval-themed LaserTag joint. He likes those kinds of things.
In our party room, along with snacks and soda pop, the LaserTag people had included a real downer magazine display.
The signage at ShadowLandsLaserTagFamilyFunCentre was choice, and included a place where you can Create-A-Friend:
and get briefed
It also requires its attendees to come up with an alias. Ana: CHALUPA OF PAIN
Me: DEATHBLOW
In between rounds, old people tend to stand around and play skee-ball in silence.
Birthday started off right, when my Black Friday off-brand TV showed up early. It works! And it's flat.
Also Senior showed up in time to get some pho.
Ana took me to fancy dinner, so I wore my Sunday clothes.
Then we met up with friends, and Patso had worked his magic again:
And Riff Raff was there. She says I always take creepy pictures of us, which I disagree with but tried to take one anyway:
At dinner, I pulled out my phone to take a picture before we started and Ana was all 'no don't that's rude' and I did it anyway. Why? Cuz I needed a picture.
The food was great, and included this dish, which was a beef tartare + some sort of fish roe + parsnip ice cream + a tortilla chip. Don't worry, it was delicious.
After, we went to Bourbon where Patso had done up a custom chalkboard (you've seen one before):
Yes, it says Hermano. "It's happy birthday bro," Patso said. He was right.
And finally, inspired by the thing from yesterday, Ana puts on a recital.
Today is MurphDay, and yesterday was MurphDay Eve. Murph got a lot of cheese.
CLOSEUP: MURPHSHIRT
TBz was there:
In other news, while having game night at some toddlers' house the other night we invented a new cocktail. It is delicious, it tastes like bubble gum, and it should always be enjoyed in a martini glass on the rocks.
[ 2oz Stoli Raspberry Vodka
3/4oz Malibu Coconut Rum
two dashes Agistora Angostura bitters]
The boss turns 50 this week, and we managed to get the whole staff together for a picture for his birthday, so of course I forget my camera.
No problem, right? They still have disposable cameras, right? Yes, they do.
The only thing is that disposable cameras still suck super hard.
Only good thing is that the picture has a little bit of character. By 'character' I mean 'can't make out anybody's face because the shit is too washed out.'
The dude on the left is turning 30 so we're going to Vegas. They are wearing matching Mickey Mouse shirts. Anyhoos, Vegas rules, remember?
Hey, Gang! I'm 30! The big 3-0! Over the hill! The new 20! For the festivities, all I asked for was what every red-blooded 30-year old would want: ice cream cake, candy, stuffed animals, t-shirts, DVDs, comic books and sneakers. Guess what? Mofos came through.
First, Noms got her friend who owns a Baskin-Robbins (we know people) to make an ice cream cake with a picture of me eating a frozen banana on it.
It was delicious.
Corrie and Jordan got me candy. M&Ms make dark chocolate peanut candy now. Game over.
Next, Wendy and Mikey got me a stuffed wildcat, which is the product of an extended inside joke that is much too bad to be shared here. Luckily, the stuffed wildcat can talk, which is just awesome enough to share here:
I'm not, I say.
My birthday present to myself? Overwriting my hard drive and erasing all of my stuff!
But don't worry, there are people out there who can conjure up files from the misty, murky netherworld. I know one of them. But I gotta go to work. Coming up: more pictures of stuff I got for my birthday!
A couple early presents:
First, from Uncle Mike (the polyglot): Every kid's favorite present, cash!
Second, from mom, a hand-knitted scarf made from baby llamas!
I'm pretty sure it's baby llama fur, not guts.
For Ana's birthday we went to New York, but you already know that. We took the TRAIN. That's what people did in the old days.
Like any trip, the whole purpose is to eat. First stop: Cafe Habana. Sandwich was so good that Ana took a bite even though there was a mayonnaise-like substance on it.
The best part, though, was that this guy
was there, dressed like he meant it. He seemed to be channeling Noah Taylor's character in Almost Famous. It's groups of people like this (cf. the girl on the left) that I see in New York that make me sad.
Anyways. After that we shopped or something in order to kill time before eating again, this time at Prune, which Ana's wanted to go to since she was born. And it wasn't even open then.
Up front: Prune might be the best restaurant in the world, ever. If food bores you, scroll down for depressing pictures of Coney Island.
First: radishes with butter and salt. If you gave me this dish when I was 12, I would've smacked you in the face and not apologized. Now, I order it of my own free will. It's good.
Next: kale with soft eggs in a Parmesan butter sauce. EGGS FOR DINNER, PEOPLE. This lady is breaking all the rules. Again, me at twelve would give you a punch in the nose if you set this in front of me, and again, it's good.
Next: stewed pork shoulder with salsa verde. It's served in big chunks with a spoon and it falls apart with the slightest pressure. Pork shoulder sounds like it would be stringy, but pigs are fat and their shoulders wonderfully tender.
Next: soupy rice with lobster and squid. It's a little thing, but this restaurant is good at words too. Putting "soupy rice" before "lobster" is probably some sort of unforgivable menu sin, but it's the right description and it sounds gross to you then you probably shouldn't have it anyway.
You totally got eaten. That's all the food for now.
The meal was so good that Ana left her wallet at the restaurant. Sad Ana:
But the people there are nice and found it for her. Happy Ana:
What do you do after a flawless meal? Go to the dirtiest bar in the world and take a picture of the bathroom, natch.
Coney Island is going to be blown up and sunk into the Atlantic Ocean next month, so we decided to go visit even though the Sideshows by the Seashore and Astroland are all boarded up.
Thank god this guy is keeping an eye on stuff.
Wait, this doesn't look very depressing! That ferris wheel looks fully operational. There aren't any stray dogs, even!
Ok, this'll do. Close-ups of chainlink fence are impossible to make undepressing.
Anything, however, can be made undepressing by a corndog.
Totonno's, you have chosen your fate: Shenanigan's can tell you about it.
Fact: Russians have the ability to move anywhere and Gulagify a place. Look! They sell DVDs and Videos at this jail, but they call it BNAEO NPOKAT. Weird.
BONUSBONUSBONUS: Ana on Law & Order
