Saturday, October 27, 2007

CameralessDeffoToting, Plus! Online Shopping All Sucky!

After my camera was cursed by the god of fake vegans, I bought a new one. Remember? It was like six months ago. Guess what? I still don't have a camera. Why? Cuz online shopping went sucky all of the sudden. I remember days when I could fire up the 14.4, log on to CompuServe, and browse literally dozens of products provided by nerds all over the region with internet connections. After that, I would log off, call the number provided, decide on a form of payment, send an insured letter containing a money order, and within weeks the product would likely be at my door.

Those days of eNirvana are no more, friends. How, you ask? Here's how. I purchased a camera online through the "Google Marketplace" (I know, I should've guessed that such an outfit was likely a scam). It was a good price, and I trusted the TriState Camera brokers to hook it up.

Until two days later, when a dude named Abe (pronounced "Ay Bee") called me to verify my order. What's to verify, I wondered! I gave them enough information to steal my identity. Lucky for me, my SSN isn't all that valuable these days, so I didn't really care.

I had to call four times before AyBee answered. This seemed weird, because his job title is "Verification Specialist." What else does one do as a Verification Specialist than answer the phone of people you're trying to verify? Anyways. He answered finally, and told me he needed my billing phone number. I told him that it was the one he had been calling. He said it was wrong. I said that's not possible, because he called me using that number. He said it didn't match the credit card number. I said that it did. He said it didn't. I said it did. He said it didn't. I said I'd had the same phone number for 5 years, well before I ever got the credit card. Plus, I shop online. Alot. So he was totally wrong. He says he's not. I say that I think this is really weird, and would you please cancel my order. He says sure, hangs up. I get a little worried that he's selling my passport. But whatevs.

So the next day, I buy the camera again, this time from an outfit with a more whimsical name and a slicker website. Two days later, I get a call from them. Hi, dude, we know you bought this camera online through us, and we know it's still listed as for sale on the site, but we don't have any of them. Sorry! We'll cancel your order, bro. No worries. I'm less worried about them stealing my identity, but still weirded out by the willingness to sell an item that you don't have. In my book, that is a shady business practice. So I move on.

I buy the camera a third time in a week. This time, I go through a thingy called "" which seems like it would be reputable because "" has got to be an expensive domain to buy. It is again through the whole GoogleMarketPlaceCoopers thing, and I get a discount just cuz. I am feeling good about it. When they charge my card for real (instead of a pending charge), I assume this means that everything's good. When you charge somebody, that means they get what you charged them for. Otherwise, it's stealing. And if GooglePlaceWaterhouse is stealing from me, I at least want 1/3 of a share of their company.

Two days after they charge my card, I get an email from saying thanks for the order! We've processed it, and now we're seeing if our vendor can process it! This part is weird because I don't know what did to process it that took two days. Once the card is charged, doesn't that mean the processing is over? Doesn't it?

At this point, I don't think Google is stealing my identity or my money. But if they do, expect me to point it out to the world and then mysteriously disappear.

OK! Enough compwhining! Let's look at stuff that I have gotten from the internet that worked out like it was supposed to:

This bike frame (not the couch, unfortch):

These brakes, which are Italian and good as new, they say:

These handlebars:
Lots of excess white space on that picture of handlebars.

This stem, to which the handlebars will be attached:

These brake levers, which are used but they're called "Dura-Ace" which means that they last forever:

This derailleur, which is the thing that makes the bike work right, also used:

The short story is that I'm building a new bike, and I'm almost done. Shizz gets expensive, people. If I had kids, they'd be eating stews and saving their tin foil for the next month. But I don't, so everything stays the same.

In other surprising news, I got a pair of shoes:

I rationalized it because they were $34 and overnight shipping was free. So basically they were free.

I couldn't rationalize the purchase of these:
because they were about fifteen times as expensive as the others. No jokes.

I also didn't get this hoodie

because damz, you know I got the hotter version already.

And finally, in the nerd version of my online shopping, I pre-ordered the new Mac OS. REFLECTIVE DOCK, people.

1 comment:

romanlily said...

A "derailleur" sounds like something that you attach to your bike in order to push it off course.

That's just a mean thing to make a person pay for.

I hope the camera shows up soon. If lets you down, try B&H ( Or Both good reputable vendors. Clearly, your people are craving (or carving) a fix of ffototes to look at.