Saturday, November 10, 2007

DeffoFoodReview: BistroTimeUSA

It's a little late, but we've never been to CENTRAL MICHEL RICHARD, and I have a camera now so it seemed like time for the first true DeffoReview of Foods.

CENTRAL MICHEL RICHARD is a "bistro," for the purposes of the fact that they wanted to make hamburgers and one can't do that at MICHEL RICHARD CITRONELLE, presumably for fear that people might mistake his high-end restaurant for a barbecue bug-b-gone device.

Anybody with two restaurants with his name in them has got to be a good chef, right? Of course! He's really good! How about the design of the place? As my dad likes to say, as a designer, he makes a really good chef. Nyuk! Narf!

Washingtonian notes the "endless blond wood, clean lines, and air of casual brilliance" in the dining room. Hey Ana! What do you think of that?

Yes. Big orbs scream casual brilliance.

"Blond wood" = fake and plastic, a la our most luxurious chain hotels!

But if you put delicious foods on top of plastic tables, it's still delicious. These things on the right are called "Gougères," which means either "cheese puff" or "venereal disease" depending on what the context is (for reals). Thinking about this linguistic overlap is gross, but the cheese puffs were really delicious.

Because the restaurant is on Pennsylvania Avenue, reviews always mention that "power brokers" "hobnob" there. The place was full, but I didn't see anybody powerbroking (unless you include our great overlord).

I did, however, see a middle-aged woman shoveling salad into her mouth with a strained look on her face like this:

But anyway. Less about me, more about food! Enough Tim Carmaning! (Side note: Hey Tim! How about a description of a dish at some point in your next review! Thanks!)

It's a bistro, but it's still fancy and frenchy, so I figured that my fried chicken would be a piece of chicken lightly breaded with a fancy sauce drizzled in an asymmetrical pattern over the top. In reality, the dish is 4' x 6' (see fig. below), and comes with 1.5 gal of creamy mustard sauce in a gravy boat, two whole perfectly-fried chickens, and 3lb of rich, creamy pureed potatoes.

Junk is delicious. For actualies.

Ana got "pied de cochon," which we assumed meant "to walk like a pig," i.e. some sort of slow-roasted dish. We were totally wrong. It actually means "ground up pig, wrapped in dough with spices and vegetables, and fried so as to look like a pig's foot." Trust me-the latter is infinitely more delicious than the former. They had to bring a new table to fit the 5' x 5' plate:

Then we had coffee.

(There you have it, people: the perfect food review. You're welcome.)


Me and Riff Raff's Prom picture (look how short!):


Two new superheroes arise out of the mist, driven by their dramatically different shoe sizes:

Nerds remain nerds, people.

No comments: