An Open Letter to a Failure

Dear Failure,

Nice going! You saw my pretty bike, all locked up, and decided that you could score some sweet loot if you somehow got it off the post. Thank god you had your hacksaw handy!


Oh, wait...tougher than you thought? Did you kick the pretty bike because it made you mad? The real bummer is that you could've gotten everything off the bike with an Allen wrench, which is much smaller and less theify than a hacksaw.

When I find you, I will likely take a hacksaw to your arm. And then leave halfway through.

Toodles,

The dude whose bike you mangled