Saturday, March 29, 2008

Kismet in CoHa

Today we got a Zipcar (learn it) to finish getting our stuff out of the old apartment. I reserved it for 3pm. The person who had it before me was half an hour late, which is annoying, since I was forced to basically stand on the corner while he kept telling Zipcar that he was right around the corner.

When he arrived, I gave him a minute to get his stuff and get out without having to apologize to me for being late, because I hate that interaction. He seemed in no hurry to get out of the car, so I finally knocked on the window. This, people, is when I met Don P.

Don P got out of the car, apologized, and handed me a CD. "It's my comedy CD," he says. "It's like Adam Sandler."

No more convincing is necessary. I'm sold. And guess what, people? SO ARE YOU. Behold the Opus of Don P.

In this 26 minute "set," which may or may not have been recorded in his basement and may or may not include piped-in laugh tracks, split recordings, and staged audience interaction, Don P covers all the hot topics of comedy today. For example:

On sex:

"You know what else people lie about? Sex."

On being mistaken for latino:

"Come on, amigos! How many spanish people you know who are 6'3" with a ten-inch penis?"

On similarities between the races:

"White people and black people, we do alot of the same things!"

On drugs:

"Why is marijuana illegal, but they sell the blunt papers in the stores!"

On foreigners:

"You're from Turkey? How y'all greet each other over there? Cockadoodledoo?"

Beware, this gem of truly Adam Sandleresque comedy is on the raunchy side. Deffo NSFW, as the bloggers say. But SSFEE (Super Safe for Everywhere Else).

The BP down the street from us has these muffins. I learned that in Spanish, plurals change Ks to Qs.

In boring news about old apartment, landlord has lost his mind. He has alternately argued that he didn't know any of my roommate's names, didn't know we had cats, didn't know we had a dog, and confused me with my roommate's boyfriend on multiple occasions. Yesterday he told me that we would be splitting cleaning duties of the tiny foyer with the apartment above us, and when I walked in today I saw that he was speaking very literally:

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