Saturday, May 24, 2008

Friday Night Treats

In order to get the picture of my hairy face off the front page, here is a picture of what sidewalk when I left this morning at 5:30am:

That is a growned-ass man passed out in the doorway of the club next to where I work. I halfway wanted to rob him preemptively so I could give his stuff back the next day, but right after I took this picture he barfed everywhere.

I don't know about you people, but I slept on Death Wish for far too long. Charles Bronson is a cinematic genius. He makes us believe he's a bleeding-heart liberal within two minutes of the opening credits! You know how? He tells us, that's how. Anyways. I've also slept on Death Wish II, Death Wish 3, Death Wish 4: The Crackdown (he fights crackheads in that one, natch), and Death Wish V: The Face of Death (the studio couldn't decide on Roman v. Arabic Numerals apparently). They are all awesome, people.

Why do I say this? Because I have also slept on the fact that Stallone is remaking the original. He says it would be volcanic. And he is right.

Bonus Death Wish Facts:

1. Christopher Guest's first credited US cinematic role was as a cop in the first installment. He is not funny.

2. Jeff Goldblum's first credited US cinematic role was as "Freak #1" in the first installment. He watches as his freak buddies (who stake out rich people while trying to steal things from grocery stores and making lewd tongue gestures to strangers) rape and kill Bronson's wife and daughter. THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

3. Olympia Dukakis plays a cop too.

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