Saturday, December 20, 2008

Grab Bag! Plus, People From NY: They Like for Things to Be Hooked Up

+ I am guessing that it means something when I have only heard of -- this doesn't mean that I've heard -- 21 of the bands on Pitchfork's top 50 albums of the year. I'm not sure if it means I'm old or if I just have stopped chasing the dragon that is rock music (Although Pitchfork went crazy and included DC's own Walé [he worked at Downtown Locker Room! OMG!] and Lil Wayne in the list, presumably since R Kelly didn't release an album in 2008).

+ Mom is doing well after her surgery to give her a BIONIC BACK. Did I ever include this horrifying X-Ray of her spine?

It should now be significantly less faily.

+ In honor of my brother, who is now a playwright and soon-to-be lead actor in a real live play, I've written a short play about a dude last night at work came in with his friend.

A bar, 2am on a weekend. Two males, early twenties, enter. I am ready for night to be over.

Yo, gimme your strongest beer.
Me: Any particular type?
Dude: Whatever's strongest, bro. It's my birthday.

I pour him an imperial stout. Two minutes pass.

Yo! It's my birthday, bro. Shots. (Motions to he and his friend.) A couple of the strongest shots you got, bro. I'm from New York.
Me: (Beat.) The strongest shots we have would be straight liquor.
Dude: I'm from New York, bro. Hook it up.
Me: What kind?
Dude: Yeah, your strongest shot. I'm from New York. Hook it up.
Me: Yes, I understand. What kind of liquor?
Dude: Yeah. Hook it up.
Dude's Friend: Vodka.
Me: Brand?
Dude: It's my birthday. Strongest shot you got. From New York. Hook it up.
Me: I don't know what that means.
Dude's Friend: Grey Goose.
Me: Chilled?
Dude: Strongest you got.

(I pour two warm shots of Grey Goose. Two minutes pass.)

Dude: Bro! Couple of Heinekens.

(I give him the beers. One minute passes. I call last call.)

Dude: Yo! How about a birthday round?
Me: Of what?
Dude: Couple of beers. It's my birthday.
Me:You have beers in front of you already. They're full.
Dude: Yeah. Birthday round.
Me:I can't give you another if you already have one.
Dude: But it's last call.
Me: Indeed it is.

(Dudes do not finish their beers, leave. Scene.)



chad said...

did the dudes pay? or was that not necessary due to birthday status? bro?

DeffoTotes said...

Oh, yeah, forgot to include that. They paid by the round. Friend tipped pretty well, too. NY style.

nush said...

awesome. next time i go anywhere, im going to be all, dude, hook it up A town style. strongest stuff you got.

you should copyright this. it feels very good will hunting-ish.

DeffoTotes said...