Things I Learned from Inauguration Weekend
1. I am an asshole. Two people told me so! The second was last night, when I was admittedly near the end of my normally endless rope:
Int., a bar, 10 minutes til close. 50ish Man approaches.
50ish Man: (hoarsely.) I bought a round of beers for my friends before last call and now your doorman isn't letting them in.
Me: Yeah, we can't let anybody in after last call.
50ish Man: But I bought them beers.
Me: I understand. But I can't let them in.
50ish Man: But I bought them beers.
Me: Yes. But by that logic, you could by 50 beers and invite your friends over at 5am to help you finish them off.
50ish Man: So there's no middle ground here?
Me: Sorry, no.
50ish Man walks back to his table. Two minutes pass.
50ish Man walks to the bar with four beers.
50ish Man: I'm not paying for these beers. You can call the cops.
Me: OK.
50ish Man: I'm not paying for them.
Me: Sounds good.
50ish Man walks back to his table, sits down.
50ish Man: (yelling.) Fuck you, asshole!
Me: OK.
50ish Man: (tantruming.) I've been coming to this bar since 1986!
Me: That's fascinating, since it wasn't established until six years later.
50ish Man: You're an asshole!
Me: OK. Oh, and also, you get to leave now.
Scene.
2 comments:
i learned that:
1. when my fuse is this short i should not be handed a sushi knife
2. priscilla and i are both "power tripping bitches"
3. concrete should not be kicked nor punched
4. people don't liked to be referred to as "bamas for obama"
5. If someone really really really really really really wants to go to a sold out show, that 6th really should totally get them in
I learned that I would never succeed if I had to work where you folks work. I'd be in jail shortly. I take my hat off to you.
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