Photo Essay #4: Regarding Red Lobster™ and its Cheesy Drop Biscuits(™)

M's birthday was last Wednesday, and she naturally wanted to celebrate by joining friends and family at our neighborhood Red Lobster™. This is an entirely natural compulsion, I say. Red Lobster™ makes people feel good about themselves. Just look: when the day began, I was on my deathbed:


Then something reminded me of the fact that I was engaged to eat at Red Lobster™ that evening, and my body revived almost immediately.


I grabbed a big hunk of money ($83 is preferable--don't forget the BahamaMamas™ you'll be downing),


and hopped in the ol' minivan with the gang.


How exciting! There are MULTIPLE MENUS. Do you want to order from Red Lobster™'s 365-day menu? Go for it! Walt's Fried Shrimp™ come out right every time. Say hello! More friends are arriving!


Want Shrimp Scampi? It's gonna be delicious! Wanna Scampi something else? Just let your server know. They can Scampi ANYTHING. After all, it's LOBSTERFEST™! No, no, Joe! You don't eat the LOBSTERFEST™ menu! You eat the products described therein, like Ameripure™ Oysters. Silly, hungry vegans!


Yes, kind server! Thank you for asking! We will have two domestic beers. One from each competitor, please! No playing favorites here! We should be fine for the next 20 minutes. Ah, screw it. Don't worry about coming back!


OOH! They leave you reading material now! Equal™ is one clever brand, I've always said. Ban the Bland. GOLD! The wait is anything but bland!


Three baskets of Cheesy Garlic Drop Biscuits (you should add a ™ to that, Red Lobster™! Mark my words!) and one hour later, hoo boy, I'm ready for some Steak n' Shrimp™! Hits the spot, thanks!


So does that LobsterTail™!


Hoo! Look at that belly!


Aw. They brought a complimentary piece of Chocolate Wave Cake™! LET'S DEVOUR IT.


That's one happy birthday girl!