Sunday, December 9, 2007

Santa Crawls and Their Repercussions

People who work in offices all day have a hard time making friends, so they have to work extra-hard to find like-minded people to do the stupid shit they like to do. In December, the stupid shit they like to do is dress up in Santa costumes and go from bar to bar drinking and losing things.* Saturday, Katie got to witness a little of the magic:

It's amazing what 30 drunk Santas will do to destroy one's Christmas spirit, so Joe and I decided to balance things out by playing some non-Christmas holiday sets on the jukebox. He started things off with Halloween (Monster Mash + Nightmare on My Street=Success), and I followed up with Easter. What follows is my set with brief annotations, in case anybody's interested in replicating it:

1. "Easter Flesh" - The Legendary Shack Shakers. Gotta start things off slow, work the crowd into the idea of a themed set; the Shack Shakers aren't what one would call a "religious" band, so nobody's gonna get all weirded out. Plus, the song is pretty good.

2. "Easter" - Patti Smith Group. Kind of a downer, but the name of the song is "Easter," so it made the cut.

3. Now that the set is in full-swing, time to throw a curveball. In nearly every situation in life, "curveball" means: KIDZ BOP. If you don't know about Kidz Bop, do yourself a favor and cure your ignorance. I played some Kidz Bop Easter song that isn't online. But rest assured that it was amazing.

4. "Easter Bunny Hop" - VeggieTales. How better to follow up kidz doing covers of popular and traditional music than with overtly religious animated vegetables singing vaguely religious songs?

5. "Easter March" - Liberace. How better to follow singing vegetables than with a little piano ditty by the master of moderation?

6. "Easter [something]" - Steve Green. Since the room has pretty much gone silent in awe of Liberace's adagios, it is important to take advantage. The best way to do that is to play an Easter song by my mom's favorite Christian Contemporary blond, Steve Green. People at the bar seemed surprised that I was singing all the words. Maybe they should check the status of their souls.

BONUSBONUSBONUS I bought fashionframes! Unfortch they are basically clear versions of Ana's realframes so I'll never be able to wear them. But maybe--just maybe--my vision will decline enough to need glasses within the next forty years. In that case, my fashionframes will be there waiting for me.

Plus! Ana says hello, Jeanne!

* Things they lost which were later found on the floor: Three credit cards, one ID, one wallet, two hats, two sweaters, one book, one scarf, $40 cash.


titian sleuth said...

I have been waiting a long time for the line, "my mom's favorite Christian Contemporary blond." And you're so right to take that advantage. People need the Lord. At the end of broken dreams, he's the open door!

Congratulations on your own music ministry, Deffototes.

Jill said...

the only person capable of seeing the connection between Thomas Kinkade and Liberace is the person with a blog requiring an elementary school reading level.

romanlily said...

"When will we realize / that we must give our lives?"

You have no idea how hard I'm laughing about Steve Green, here in the privacy of my own home. The neighbors are concerned.