Blay: Grab Bag

Int., a bar. A patron goes into a section of the bar that is chained off. I confront her as she comes out.

Me: Why did you go down there?

Girl: It looked so exciting!

Me: But you saw that it was chained up.

Girl: Uh huh

Me: So you knew that it was closed.

Girl: Uh huh

Me: In general, it's a bad idea to go into places that are chained off.

Girl: There was liquor everywhere! I could've stolen it.

Me: Also a bad idea to threaten thievery in a business as justification for going into a place that's off limits.

Girl: What?

Me: Ok.

Girl: Can I get a White Russian? I didn't steal anything.

Scene.


Int., a bar. Three thirtysomething dudes are celebrating one's graduation from law school. They order three shots. After they take them, one vomits it back into the glass. It is gross.

Friend #1: Ha, ha. I could tell you some stories about that guy.

Me: Do they all involve him vomiting back into his glass?

Friend #1: Yeah

Me: I don't really want to hear those. You see, we're the ones who get to clean up after dudes

Friend #1: Oh, yeah.

Me: Maybe you should teach him how to handle himself.

Friend #1: Yeah

Friend #2: Has anybody ever puked in their glass before?

Me: Yes.

Friend #2: Oh. Bummer.

Scene.