Monday, May 18, 2009


Alot of people out there are COOT GALOOT SHERPA CLODs and don't have PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS with JEFF G via THE INTERNET. Others of us, ME, do.

First, here's my Yelp! profile pic (my childhood dog, who will soon be immortalized):

And of course, here's Jeff's:

(Aside: he just looks like your everyday dude, huh? Just a little gel here, a little groomed facial hair there, a little Soul Rebel for good measure)

So I sent Jeff G a message on Yelp the other day, admiring his reviews and noting that they are THE BEST ON YELP, PLZ KEEP IT UP. And what do you know but JG wrote be back, and wicked promptly!

Unfortunately, his message was bereft of capital letters. It was also bereft of the things we all love about him: grammatical errors, creative spellings of arcane adjectives (WHINGY?), and vitriol. Look at this boring thing:
Hey Scott
Thanks for your awesome compliment. Thanks for reading my reviews. I really appreciate it and it means a lot to me that you enjoy them.
I don't know how to react to this. It is like a normal response from a non-lunatic.

Then comes the bam: Jeff G. outs himself! So much for his WAIFISH ASIAN GIRLFRIEND (WHERE DOES SHE BARTEND, PEOPLE?!?):
Anyhow, I love your dog by the way! Whats his/her name! He looks like he's a bundle! You should put some more pics up!
I'm not hating, I'm just saying that straight dudes don't A) love YORKSHIRE TERRIERS or B) refer to them as "bundles."

So begins my lifelong friendship with Jeff G.


Anonymous said...

you are a bundle!

abby said...

ohhh man...i feel like you're treading on dangerous territory. Don't ruin this for us by giving away your true motives!

joe said...

he did say anyhow and not anywho though. just saying anywho is way gayer

nush said...

unrelated but you need to know this:

sample bests:

(202): therell be strippers and coke right?
(703): no strippers. just coke.
(202): i hate this fuckin recession

(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

please to enjoy 4EVR!