Photo Essay #14: DC Going Away Party #1,283,643

Leaving DC is one of the great pastimes of the city. Let's move to New York! Let's move to LA! Let's move to San Francisco! Let's move to Petaluma!

Our friends


are moving to Oakland, which is like San Francisco but with more popular sports teams. So we had a going-away barbecue for them yesterday in Petworth, where only people with beautiful children are allowed. Seriously, look:

During the afternoon, we did things that people do at barbecues, like playing horseshoes,


arguing that our horseshoe abilities are far superior to others,


eating frozen plums,


and taking naps on the front steps in our own label's t-shirt.

That's Petworth, y'all!

But seriously. Piero decided that in lieu of gifts, he would sell some of his art (which he is good at) to raise money for the cross-country trip. Perhaps the best one, however, was a sheet of drawings by Clarissa's nephew. They are either ruminations on modern life, character studies for new superheroes, or some mixture of the two. Whatever the idea was, it produced something amazing:


This one is "Xler8", which is how kids spell "accelerate" now. Really, you can use the "8" for anything with the "-ate" sound, like "sk8" or "ber8". Xler8 looks to be a cross of donkey and cleric.


Next up is "Four Arms," which isn't a creative name at all.



Luckily, he recovers with "Ripjaw", which is a turtle in medieval battle garb. Its jaw isn't ripped; rather, it rips other things' jaws.


Then is "Stink Fly," which is gross.


Ahhh! "Ghost Freak"!


"Heat Blood" sounds like a 70's movie, but it's not. It's blood that is the product of heat.



Bored with violent and gross imagery, he moves on to "Diamondhead," which is a rabbit with ears made from big diamonds. He subdues his enemies with them in some way or another.


"Grey Matter" is probably the coolest one of all: a brain that anthropomorphizes and kicks ass.


And finally, in a tip of the hat to Beyonce and perhaps the pop music world in general, comes "Upgrade." On second thought, it might be a tip of the hat to the nerd world. The head looks like it could be a PDA or 3G phone. If that is the case, I would've recommended the name "Motherboard" instead.

Photo Essay #13: Things Around the House!

This morning, I was awoken at the ungodly hour of noon or something by the dude that was coming by to clean the ducts so that one day we might have air-conditioning eventually if two other people come by and say what needs to be fixed. When I got up, I did so really quickly because I didn't want to wait even longer, and managed to pull 1/3 of the muscles in my back. I'm getting old!

Anyway! Because of that, I didn't go to taco night. Instead, I stayed home by myself. Round about 2am, I got a little restless and decided to take a quick inventory of the house.

1. The kitchen:


Lots of condiments and beer. And I live with two women! Goodbye, stereotypes!

2. Books that haven't been useful in nearly a decade. Click to enlarge, and remember when they were useful to you too!


3. Bikes and parts of bikes.


4. Cat.


5. Patriotic mail from the roommate's little sister. Check that--adorable patriotic mail from the roommate's little sister.


6. Homage to the original King of R&B, animatronic and sitting on the floor next to the bookcase.


7. Another cat: puma-like and photogenic.


8. Paintings outside the bathroom by Ben. Sometimes people need instructions.


9. Fancy glasses with funny faces on them.


10. Me.

Best Work Snack Ever

Before:

(two pork tenderloin medallions, cracked pepper, salt, basil, red pepper flakes, olive oil)

After:


Yums.

LOLs! BRBs!

Worry later bout the haters!

The Changing of the Shoes (Click to Enlarge!)

1) The toe, embiggened by approximately 600,000 drips of draught beer, becomes hardened to the point of inflexibility.

2) The sole separates itself from the rest of the shoe because it's better than them.


3) The replica pair rises from the back of the closet, where it has been silently waiting its turn.

Photo Essay #12c: 72 Hours of Woot! Ca$h Money!, Final.

Then after dinner it's time to pay respects to venerable Vegas institution (HA HA THAT'S AN OXYMORON ISN'T IT HAHAHA) the Frontier, which is going to be blown up by Israelis very soon. The Frontier really is a great old place, though, full of old slot machines and Casino workers like ones in 80s movies.


Naturally, we sat down to play the horses. The mechanical horses, that is. The chances of winning are the same, but you don't have to worry about the ethical problems associated with real horse racing, because these horses are pieces of plastic. Really, I'm just assuming that there are ethical problems associated with real horse racing because I couldn't really say what they are.


Not sure if Derby is really the name or not, because the machine was being all snarky about it.


Then at 2am you all decide that it's a good idea to learn how to play craps. Why not? We're in Vegas! What happens here is learned for life! Then five hours pass and Steve has lots of money that he didn't have before, so it's time to take a shot of tequila.


Son of gun! There are different times of day outside!


I can't wait to be at work in 3 hours!

Jodie Foster may ignore me for the rest of my life, but I have made her one of the most famous actresses in the world. Oh, and this is a great game!

Finally!

Photo Essay #12b: 72 Hours Cont.

Where were we? Oh, yes.

Las Vegas likes to give their hotel hallways an hallucinogenic quality.

Which is good, because they also put TVs in the BATHROOM MIRRORS so you can watch RACHEL RAY interview MONTEL WILLIAMS about his ALL-CONSUMING GENEROSITY and other good qualities, all while taking a shower. (!!)


Ah, the world-famous Flamin,O pool. What better time to put on your ski suit and catch some rays?


Next up: fancy dinner! Our friends who were supposed to get married didn't get married, so instead we had a group dinner. I figure it's an even trade. So we hop on over to Thomas Keller's Bouchon in the Venetian, which unlike the real Venice has free public bathrooms with conditioned air!:



Hmm... What to eat? Ah! Cured meats! Ah! A cured meat named baby Jesus! Sounds delicious! Two orders, please!


What's that, Abbe? You've decided to sneakily pay for the entire meal behind our backs, like some sort of generous traitor? Huh? Is that what you're going to do? HUH? IS IT?


Ah, Venice.


GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THERE ARE DISFIGURED OPERA SINGERS OUTSIDE


TBC again.

Photo Essay #12a: 72 Hours of OMG, This Rules Pt. 1

Itinerary:

5:00am Get off work
5:00am Get in cab
6:30am Get on plane: What do you do on your 72 hour jaunt to Vegas/LA? You upgrade, y'all. Fine imitation leather. Free 8am cocktails. SEMI-PRIVATE BATHROOM.

11:00am Arrive in Vegas
11:30am Get in car, stop for refreshments: This is what America is about. German-engineered droptops, Mexican-bottled soda pop.


While we're here, let's gamble that dollar that Joe asked us to gamble. This machine will pay him $10,000, it seems:

Nope, lost.

5:00pm Arrive in LA. Drive to what they call "The Valley" to meet Martina at her cousin's house. You may remember it from Clueless, when Cher laments having to drive there. Everyone in the valley must have a jacuzzi, just like this one:


X:00a/pm: Eat In-N-Out Burger.


7:00pm: Arrive in North Hollywood at Martina's apartment. She lives in Melrose Place.


9:00pm: Convene first-ever meeting of Beta Happa Westilon, the Big Hunt West Coast Alumni Association.

Party.

Mon, 11:00am: Visit Hollywood Boulevard to pay tribute to your (and presumably everyone's) inspiration: the incomparable star of Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Ms. Angela Lansbury.


6:00pm: Get back in car to make way back to Vegas.


11:00pm: Arrive in Vegas, Check in at hotel. Those in the know call it the "Flamin, O."

TBC, people.